Five months today
I have no motivation to continue this
I’m not attending as much meetings …well barely any
I just want to give up…I want to prove that I can drink
And this is my MO I get close to people and start pushing them away
I haven’t called my support system
Won’t answer texts or calls
I’m just an asshole
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You’re here. Which tells me you really don’t want to give up. You’re asking for help. I hope you can find some here with us. Sounds to me like the honeymoon with sobriety is over. And now you have to find a way to transform the infatuation with sobriety into true lasting love. Which is hard to do I know. Sobriety is about so much more than just being sober. It takes work. Lots of it. Motivation comes through work, not the other way around. What you’re doing now leads to depression. I’ve been there enough times to know. Even now, at nearly 2 years, I find it hard at times. I just know I have to plough on. Just like you. You did the first step by posting here. Congrats on that. And BIG congrats on 5 months of sobriety. Whatever you think about that now, it’s a HUGE accomplishment.
And JFYI: Of course you can drink. We all can. It will destroy us to do so, that’s all. I’ve NEVER seen anybody here going back to drinking in what they were saying was to be a controlled way and succeeding. Not one. They either returned later trying to be sober again, or not return at all and that tells me enough about what happened. Nobody came here boasting they can drink and not have aproblem with it. Stay sober. Keep connected. Success Murr. We’re here. A bunch of assholes with some good sides too. Our sobriety being one of those. Just like you.
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Dude I just lost over a year or sobriety. Trust me it isn’t fucking worth it, you wanna prove something stay sober. Drinking and drugs don’t prove shit, and all I’ve done is cause shame and regret. That’s normal to feel that way around 5 months just stay the course
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Five months is definitely a good time for the pink cloud to start fading. And then it gets hard for a bit. You have to dig deep and remember just how bad it was. Really understand that if u could drink normally u would have by now. Hang on there.
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I feel the same way. I hit 100 days yesterday and … I feel the same way. Not that I’m going to drink … I just feel … really down. Someone posted a video last night which reinforced the reminder as to why we can’t go back. And thankfully people on here are really here to help. There is so much wisdom on this site from people that have been at it longer than us. I’m going to keep the faith for me - and for you that … this too shall pass. Feel free to PM me should you even want someone to talk to.
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Milestones are hard. For the first year I got quiet and down EVERY month. Even my one year celebration was a bit quiet with me just inside my head. This is hard, it’s completely understandable you feel a little conflicted.
But keep going. The feelings as you move forward will get better and better but if you give in the feelings of guilt could spiral you down and fast.
YOU CAN DO IT!!
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Congrats on 5 months. Milestones are a bitch sometimes. We are either working towards recovery or we’re working towards relapse. There is no such thing as sitting idle, so which one do you want to work towards? I think we often forget just how much harder it is to live in active addiction… life certainly isn’t better that way, if it was none of us would stay sober. Hang in there, get a second wind and kick your recovery into high gear. Best wishes
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An Asshole? Maybe, but a fellow none the less who deserves a life filled with joy, happiness and all that comes with not being owned by a fucking bottle. A lot of us had the same MO and we got tired of our brains selling us bullshit to go back out. Stay with us, walk this path as it will pay you back ten fold down the road.
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It’s not a better way of life, you already know that. I hope you push through these feelings that will pass!
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Sometimes, it makes sense to just fight through those urges. I almost always feel relieved that I did.
But I know what it’s like have the urges continue for weeks… Months. Meanwhile, everyone around me is talking about how great sobriety is, and I’m not feeling it.
For me, I had to keep searching within myself to see what was going on, what was lacking.
And it’s okay to try harder the first few times, but if that’s not working, then
Try different.
If AA is not cutting it, try SMART, or CR, or This Naked Mind.
If your body is telling you something is wrong, keep searching for answers, and never give up.
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Hi there. Your not doing the necessary work. All the things listed that you’re not doing are all the things you need to be doing. All the best 
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You are not an Asshole!
So for me what i can see straight away is that you’ve started to demote the things you have built over the last 5 months all of the new coping strategies have been put on a backburner. Your brain is so used to the old coping ways the things you’ve probably done for years like that drink you would have to de-stress. It is hard and challenging that you can no longer drink, as an addict its never enough. You may mirco manage and think ‘yes, I’ve got this under my control’.
I hope you’ll push through this bump and go back to all those things you’ve said in this post, you know they are all still there ro be utalized!