When I decided on thanksgiving day that I was done drinking. I was so convinced that I had hit rock bottom. I Just knew on that day that I would never ever drink again… or so I thought. I made it 8 days and then a sister I hadn’t seen in two years came to town. I didn’t tell her about my struggle with alcohol so when she started drinking at dinner I caved to the craving and I drank a few with her. Nothing bad happened, I didn’t make an ass of myself as usual, but I just absolutely felt like crap the next day because I made a commit to myself and I did not keep it. So I started my counter over and recommitted to doing better. I made it day 6. It was an absolutely horrid week. I totaled my car and found out the guy I was seeing was in another relationship and had been lying to us both the whole time. Friday after work as I drove home every store was calling my name to stop and grab some drinks… in the matter of a 40 min drive I had convinced myself that I don’t really have a problem with alcohol, the exact argument that got me was… “hell I drank with my sister and that didn’t get crazy, I just need to drink a little less when I do drink and I’ll be fine.” As you all know, I was wrong… so so wrong. Again I blacked out and did something reckless that I regret. Again I dealt with a two day hangover. Again I dealt with all the shame and guilt of losing control. I never want to do this again.
The good news is, you don’t ever have to do that again.
Getting sober is simple, just don’t drink. Staying sober though, requires work. So the question is, are you ready to get to work?
Sometimes it takes a lot of arguing back and forth with yourself, I did for years. And even then sometimes you’ll “know” it is the last time, this is it… and then you drink again anyway. It can be trial after trial, but as long as you learn something from each lapse and the lapses strengthen your resolve, they can be helpful. Justifying lapses is not what I recommend, of course, but just that sometimes they happen. It’s what you do following one that matters. Always striving to make it the last time.
Ugh. I know that feeling. It’s the worst.
Little by little you will start to feel better. Take it one day at a time. Find something that you really like to do to replace the drinking. Or just work out every single day.
When those run out, wash and put away every single piece of laundry. Sweep and mop the floor. Organize your closet.
Read.
Listen to podcasts about Sobriety. Watch some trash reality shows or some dumb lifetime movie.
Point is, keep busy. Then really relax. Drinking doesn’t let your mind or body truly rest.
Get better. Feel better soon.
It’s hard yes. But every time you fall you learn (if your open to learn). So now you know you cannot listen to that little voice! That little voice isn’t you, it’s your addiction talking. The winewitch, the devil ore whatever you wanna call it. Don’t listen! Fingers in your ears and start singing! 
And don’t take that first one!
We can say no to the first, but not to the second.
Hang in there!! 
Ripped from my own thoughts.
It’s definitely harder than any of us think, and it gets harder each and every time we slip and trip.
Make this your last day 1, dive into sobriety. Get into an actionable program, hell get into 3 of them. Choose the one you like most and work it to the bone.
All this time we thought we were basking in the sun, in reality we were wandering into the woods and not leaving a bread crumb trail to show us the way out. AA and IOP therapy were my breadcrumb trail out of the dense forest and onto the trail. Maybe those options could help you too.
Thank you guys for the support and advice. I have been trying to learn from this experience and move forward. I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow and I plan to talk to her about outpatient options. I’ve scheduled out my week in advance so I have productive things planned and fun things with safe friends planned every night this week so I’ll stay busy. I also sat down and made out a list of reasons that I want to quite drinking to take with me everywhere I go so I have something to look at when that little denial voice creeps in. I’ve had the desire to quite, now I just have to get to work on making a plan and sticking with it!