Struggling on my 3rd step

Advice & Questions
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I’m having issues on finding what my higher power is. I know that there is something greater than I, I just don’t know exactly what it is. I struggle believing in religion. I know this program is a spiritual program so I try not to mix those things. I get the whole using the rooms as a higher power but I can’t seem to pray to the rooms, universe, G.O.D (good orderly direction).

I pray to something, I just don’t know what it is. I pray to whatever was helping me and watching my back in my addiction and even today in the present time. Been stuck on the step for going on 3 weeks and trying to be as thorough as possible. I can’t move on because I can’t say what exactly is my higher power and it sure as hell isn’t going to be a doorknob lol. What made me come to a halt in this step was turning my life over to a to a god of my understanding I could turn my will but my life 100% I don’t know. I tried replacing the word god with love and it just doesn’t really fit well for me although my higher power ideally is pure love if that makes any sense.

I could be overcomplicating the s*** out of all of this but I’d really appreciate some feedback as far as everybody else’s experience on working this step. Thanks

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Thanks for the feedback. I’m working out of the basic text from n.a., I do have the Big Book as well I’ll go over it too my sponsor after a conversation today told me he thought I would have known what my higher power was by now I quote “I don’t care if it’s a fucking door knob you just need to know what you’re higher power is” but I see what you mean on the positive action. Someone told me my will is my thoughts and my actions are my life. Spiritually as a higher power is a good one. And yes I will talk to my higher power like a conversation sometimes even the traditional praying way. I do ask for guidance in my recovery on a day to day basis, and to take the right direction and action. I’m really thinking the spiritually being my higher power sounds fair. Thanks again man for you’re input. Stay blessed in recovery :v:

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For me Tony, I just had to believe in a power greater than myself. I choose to call that power the spirit of the universe… whatever that might be… I just know and feel that it is greater than I.
I am alive, clean and sober. For me that is proof enough that there is a power greater than me. Something saw me through those dark, incomprehensible demoralized years of my addictions. :two_hearts:

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Thank you yes my sponsor told me I should know what my higher power is because I’m working a 12 step program. I do see what you are saying and those are good positive things to base recovery around. Yeah I’m coming to the conclusion that maybe the spiritual principles of the program will be a power greater than myself because according to those principles that’s what I aspire to be as a person. “If we delved into our whole reason of existence it would be a rather somber acknowledgement.” I couldn’t agree more and I think that’s what really freaks me out. I grew up in a strict christian household so yeah the fire and brimstone lives in my brain lol. Thank you for you’re insight :pray: stay blessed in recovery

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Yeah I’m about on that same boat Edmund. I’m coming to the conclusion that maybe the spiritual principles of recovery are a power greater than myself because like you I fell me being alive and free from active addiction today is a power greater than myself working in my life. I appreciate you’re feedback :pray: stay blessed in recovery

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There is a chapter in the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book Tony called “We Agnostics” chapter 4 pg. 44-57 it might shine some light on the subject. It helped me…:two_hearts:

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I have it I will read that right now thank you Edmond :pray:

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And to this, sir, I say “Bunkum!”.

For me, this step was making a decision to move forward in the faith that everything is going to be alright. It did help me to experience at least one manifestation of that power. The presence that we invite into a meeting was enough for me. When I needed help in prayer, I picked one face from the meeting and put that as the face of the higher power during that prayer.

Your higher power will reveal itself at different times and places throughout your life (clean or sober). It is hubris to think we understand it completely. Here’s a quote from the 24 hours a day book that helps me a lot.

June 9, Meditation for the Day
…I am in a a box of space and time and cannot see spacelessness or eternity.

In other words, I am in the box and I cannot comprehend what is outside the box. But I can choose faith. For me, faith is required and faith is enough.

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Ummm, I have 27 years clean and I have no knowledge of exactly who or what my higher power is. All I am sure of is that I can turn my will and my life over, I can express myself completely and I can trust that there is a reason for everything. Even if my HP was the Christian God it would be rather arrogant of me to say I know who he is. I have faith and trust in my HP who I choose to call grandfather and that is enough for me.

You don’t have to know exactly who your HP is to be able to turn yourself over to him/her/it. We tend to overthink things which really just throws barriers in our way. Just let go of self. Self screwed everything up. It’s time to hand the reins over. :heart:

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@Jftself nice post. Im only completing step 1 this week but already have apprehension about processing steps 2 and 3. I was raised in the methodist church but was soured to organized religion by the hypocrisy of humans. I have a spirituality now but struggle with reconciling this spirituality with a deity BUT who says it has to be a deity. Just because the big book references God with a capital G? But also note they state a higher power as well. Let you find (it) now. Maybe start with trying to define what spirituality feels/looks like to you.

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Thank you so much for your post.

I’m not following a 12-step program. I’m a reluctant addict, I suppose (yikes, first time I use the A-word out loud to refer to myself :grimacing:)

I’m slowly coming to terms that I’m not unique in my predicament and that no, I’m not stronger or wiser or whatever than all the other people who faced their challenges before me. It’s been a lesson in humility.

So I guess I’m not following a 12-step program YET.

One of the main obstacles for me is yours exactly. I’m not sure what I believe in anymore. I believe in a HP, but unclear what shape that takes. I was raised Catholic, hubby is a converted Catholic and a better one at that than I ever was. Try as I might to believe in all the principles and teachings, sometimes I question everything, more so now that I have kids and have to teach them what I believe. My words sometimes don’t ring true to me and I’m not even sure why. This is causing a lot of internal struggle, now that I’m not numbing out all discomfort.

I feel the same. I think it is a miracle that I’m still standing, that I have not royally messed up things, and that I have the love of my family and friends.

I think we all overcomplicate things when we think too much about the HP because humankind has not found the answers to it - how can we assume we will?

Bottom line is, my HP is love. Love for my children, for my family, for nature, for what I do at work to help others, for myself when I take care of this amazing gift of life I’ve been given and should not waste.

The posts from everybody in this thread are immensely helpful. This sobriety thing takes a massive amount of self-discovery and your support, questions, thoughts are really valuable to me :heart:

Thank you so much to all :pray::heart:

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lol - yes :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

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