Been finding it increasingly difficult to be social and fun while sober. It makes me not even want to attend social events. It makes me sad cause I always felt so funny, charming and chatty while drinking, but feel like a complete dud when I’m sober. The mental effort it takes to hold conversations while sober is exhausting. Any advice?
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I also felt like this when I first tried to get sober, but with a little work at it I don’t feel this way any more. There is no doubt that a little bit of alcohol can be helpful as a social lubricant, but I am unable to consume a little alcohol so it has to be none for me.
I’d say a couple of things about this -
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I socialise less in places where the main point of being there is to drink alcohol - bars, pubs, clubs, “drinks events”, and more over dinner, sports, games, theatre, walks. So I changed my social mix a bit which helped.
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I do a bit of pre thinking about who I want to speak to and what I want to ask them. People love to talk about themselves so asking questions is an easy way to be in the conversation but not have to work as hard. It’s good to have a plan to get started because once started you can continue more naturally.
The other thing I’ve learned watching drunk people is that they might think they’re the life and soul of the party but their chat is usually terrible, even if they think it’s good. Much more memorable are those sober conversations with inquisitive friends.
Good luck!
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This was from your first post…
“It hurts to think about how many celebrations and life milestones were tainted and blurred out of my memory due to my need for alcohol”
It’s only early days based on your bio date, I remember someone saying to me the ism in alcoholism stands for incredible short memory, whether or not the term alcoholic is one you wish to use the saying is a good one. I find it helpful to remember that my mind always choose to remember the good times not the bad ones once the hangover was gone, this quite frankly is bullshit.
I’m not really that funny or chatty when I’m drinking, well maybe for an hour or two but then I’m an annoying arsehole, or even worse I start fights or go home with randoms etc.
That my reality when drinking.
As you build sober time you may find you’re social style is different than before 
I thought I would never go to a music gig again as I couldn’t imagine it sober and it did take some time under my belt to build up to it but now I go to gigs all the time and love it, and bonus also remembered them 
Stick with it 
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In my early years sober i attended AA dances and social outings being with like minded people helped me get stronger to go to social gatherings were there was drink now i dont really bother i enjoy my social life sober travel the world i can socialize with anybody now ,give time time and im sure youl get there wish you well
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I’m an introvert and found socializing sober a challenge in the early days. I started going to AA and eventually made a lot of friends and got a lot of practice socializing at sober events. Now I’m able to go to events that have drinking and can socialize with much more ease. But I do leave when people start getting drunk. I can’t handle the slurred repetitive conversations.
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I found myself socially inept and conversationally challenged in my early sobriety. When I asked for help I was told not to worry about what I should say, but rather what questions to ask others about themselves to keep a conversation fluid.
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