Almost 6 months ago my cousin killed himself. I was struggling with it but coping. Now this month my uncle killed himself. That first little bit felt like a haze I didnt really think of anything but now it feels like I’m just struggling to hold myself together and function. All I can think about right now is grabbing a bottle. Even though I know it’ll make me feel worse later.
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I am so very sorry for all your loss. Grieving is exhausting. Is there some kind of self care you could engage in? Some way to practice compassion towards yourself? Honor those you lost by taking care of your life?
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I’m sorry for the loss you’ve experienced; it’s shocking and leaves you aching.
You can make the best choice for yourself; you have the tools, wherewithal and us 
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I am so sorry for your losses. I really appreciate the thoughtful reply of @acromouse above. Please be gentle with yourself as you grieve. 
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That really is a lot to cope with, my deepest condolences. As you point out yourself, alcohol will just delay the pain. Sending strength to feel what you need to feel.
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