I am new to recovery and have fully accepted that i am an addict and really crave sobriety but this has been much more difficult than I simply thought it would be. The longest I have made it is 40 days and ever since that initial relapse I only make it to about 10 - 15. I really struggle with controlling my impulses and creating discipline in my life but really the big kicker is this feeling of extreme disconnectedness I feel with everyone. Reasons vary but this deeply affects me, obviously the personality change from my addiction has not helped in the relationships i deeply care about. I guess the drugs filled the hole superficially for a while but the behavior of befriending addicts in active use is unfortunately usually hurtful in some form or another. Aside from this I have made steps to improve my life. I go to NA meeting zoom or in person daily. I go to a drug program m-f where I wright insightful/helpful information in my “sober” journal and each night i study a chapter of the book underlining things I relate to and things to remember. I can be so confident in my journey to sobriety and a simple desperation to connect with anyone willing brings me crumbling to my knees. I plan to keep up these positive habits and even with relapses i can make the future i want possible. I am trying to be more positive and seek the solution from the problem but sometimes i really dont know how to be strong since ive run away from my problems for so long.
Welcome to TS! It’s a HUGE start to admit that you’re an addict like we all are! That’s a way to go into the sobriety! I wish you all the best on your journey and looking forward to read about it! Happy New Year!
For being new to sobriety you quickly found a root cause. The opposite of addiction is connection. You may have an avoidant attachment style. Maybe something from childhood. I know when I drank I felt way closer to people.
Your body needs and wants connection. It can view alcohol as a friend based on how it affects your brain. Think of this as dumping a bad friend.
In my experience, I always put my recovery and sobriety first. It is usually at the expense of my social life in the short term, but over time, I have a better quality of relationships with fewer people. Good things take time, great things take forever, and the best things never get finished. I will always be working on my recovery. I’d rather be sober and disconnected, than in active use, forming superficial relationships around false narratives.