I am struggling today trying not to relapse. Been struggling a lot since April when I relapsed. I am trying to take this seriously now as my life is getting out of control again.
Trying to reach out instead of relapsing. I know I want to be sober but I don’t know how to do that right now. I tried reaching out to members of my group, but not getting any responses right now, so I am reaching out here.
Hi Jacie; what’s going on? 🙋
Hi Jaycie!
Right decision to reach out! Do you know what reasons bring you to relapsing?
Trying to stay sexually sober. I’m off work right now and have too much time on my hands. Porn has been a coping thing for me, but also just a boredom thing. But if I use out of boredom, that is still relapse. And I know if I use porn, I won’t be able to not masturbate.
Hi Jacie
I’m sorry your struggling today. Seems like there’s a lot of that going on. We all know, as I’m sure you do, DOC isn’t going to lessen your struggle. Probably make you feel worse tomorrow. There must be something you’re grateful for being sober. I like to think of the things I’m grateful for now that I’m sober. I got so much more to be grateful for. I’m glad you reached out. I hope we can help.
Please, stay strong. The emotions are like waves, stay in the present. Try Jacokbson peogressive muscular relax. A lot of guides on Youtube. Stay strong! U can do it!
I am grateful that I have a partner who is sticking by my side through my recent relapse. I am grateful to be able to spend time with my family and not be thinking about using all the time.
You’ve taken right steps by seeing you need and reaching out. Well done!
What could you do to distract yourself? Going jogging, walking, something else that’s physical? Clean your oven? Whatever works for you, even if you don’t feel like it. Some people take cold showers to give their body a “jolt”. Or maybe call a friend, just to catch up.
These are just some practical ideas to help you in the now. I understand those bored moments when you want to have a boost and turn to pmo. I started a new hobby to keep myself busy.
I’m sorry that you’re having a difficult time. Work out, have a cold shower, do some activity - try to avoid to stay passive, that usually helps.
I’m also putting off working my step books because I’m almost to my fourth step again. I haven’t been journalling since I’ve been off work.
I haven’t picked up the book I’m reading since I’ve been off work. I can see myself making excuses and justifications but I’m struggling to find the motivation to do what I need to do.
I tried to reach out to some of my accountability team but no one is responding right now.
Your amazing, how many times does the person pick up now and ask for help later. This is a huge decision and proves how much you want this so it’s pretty simple, you keep listening to that part of your mind. The other voice is your ego and it’ll screw with you left right and centre until it gets you all to itself, do not be mentally alone right now even if you don’t get a reply on here you just keep typing away and letting it out, keep reading, just keep on doing. Oh did I already say your amazing.
So if you picked up that book and journaling again, would something bad happen?
We put off doing important things sometimes bc we’re scared of something. Often the fear isn’t anything “rational”.
I would have to face doing my inventory again. But really, when I think about it, it wasn’t that bad last time.
I’m working my steps again to try to get back to making amends and hopefully make some more amends this time around. I’ve been putting some of them off and I’m scared about that I think.
My family doesn’t know the details of my addiction, except one of my siblings. I’m also scared of doing my fourth step because it means I’ll have to do my fifth step again. And I’ve not been entirely honest with my sponsor recently.
I get it. Sexual issues are very delicate, personal and as with all addictions, shameful. It’s human to avoid facing such things. Yet, if nothing changes then nothing changes. You want to be sober and free, yes? Then there’s got to be effort put into recovery, whether it’s the steps or something else.
I’ve learnt that honesty is the backbone of recovery. You determine whom you want to tell/ who needs to be know about your issues. Good that you have a sponsor! You’re privileged! Be honest with him/her even when it’s difficult.
One of the most important things I learned while doing my 4th/5th step the first time was when it says “except when to do so would harm them or others” was that I am one of those others. There’s only one member of either my or my wife’s family that knows about my addiction and I was able to make a direct amends to her. Along with my sponsor I decided it was detrimental to me to be honest with the rest of our family so I concentrate on making a living amends to them in what I do on a daily basis.
Thank you for that reminder. I’ve had that thought before. And my family hasn’t really been impacted by my sexual addiction, but by other aspects of my recovery, other struggles I have.
I am more concerned about my past romantic partners, as many of them are no longer in my life. I have an ex who I hurt very deeply and who I recently realized was an integral part of my recovery without me realizing it at the time. He asked me to stop contacting him and because of that I was able to move forward with my life. I recently had to do the same thing with another ex of mine, choosing no contact for his health and safety as well as my own health, safety, and sanity.
In doing so, I realized what the ex who asked me to stop contacting him actually did for my recovery. In the months thereafter, I was able to be independent for the first time ever. I wasn’t being controlled by my addiction at that time.
I’m just trying to come to terms with realizing that it would likely be harmful to me to make a direct amends to him in person and I believe I am going to opt to send him a letter instead, as I do think it is really important for me to make direct amends to him (and my sponsor agrees).
The fact that you’re reaching out speaks volumes about your commitment to stay sober. God speed to you.
I had a fair amount of clean time in 2019. Then I started getting lax with it. I want that honestly clean mindset and life back. Where I wasn’t lying to myself or my accountability partners or my sponsor about any of it.
I’m doing a lot better right now today. I went to see a friend last night and that really helped.
I know exactly what you mean I go through this everyday I have no food now to the point I went to the food bank yesterday thank God for the food that he gave couldn’t wait to eat was hungry as ever instead ended up making the same stupid decision and the same stupid mistake and guess what by 6: 00pm. I was broke after getting money for my dad and still hungry never taking the time to actually eat it’s just not worth it it’s really not
Hope you found the strength to do something else yesterday!