Im 1 month and 19days sober…today i juss feel anxious and having anxiety. Feel like juss giving up and then i sit here and think about my children who needs me, juss trying to stay focused so i can achieve all the things i want in life. This is my 4th tym starting over again i juss feel so lonely and confused about alot of things like will i die unhappy? Will this be a struggle for the rest of my life? Am i a good mother to my children who i love dearly? I’ve made alot of mistakes in my life and im juss so tired of being let dwn so i guess i keep making mistakes along the way to hide all the pain…but man i had enough of being unhappy!! I DONT WANNA DIE YOUNG!! Herion is NOT A JOKE PEOPLE it’s the devil!! It’s the biggest nightmare!! i never in my life thought i would wake up an use drugs but i did …i juss cant wrap my hands around it i literally hate myself everyday for putting my loved ones thru everything i put them thru…if someone on here is going thru a similar struggle plzzz reach out to me with kind words of encouragement!! Thanx in advance!!
Good job on a the month and 16 days. Heroin is no joke. I understand completely. Eveyday you dont pick up is a win. Theres a book called The Power Of Now that helped me a lot on my journey. Hang in there. Live. Children need there Mom. Keep sharing. If i can stop using H so can you.
Hi Tippi, So happy to see you reaching out. I was in a similar place mentality back in early sobriety. Hating what I put my family through while drinking and drugging. Unfortunately, we cannot change the past but we can change the future. What’s helping me is living a daily amends. I wake up saying “what can I do today to be better than I was yesterday?” It may be something as simple as doing a puzzle or legos with my daughter. If I’m too busy working, then it may only be extra hugs and listening to her tell me about her day. I try and do all the things I wasn’t doing in the past. Being present for our family is huge! Anyway, glad you’re here taking this journey with me.
Thanx Lisa!! Yes my kids are everything to me!! Ive been a mom for 14 years now and it has been so honoring in so many ways…but unfortunately i made a stupid mistake one day and now I’m paying for it everyday…all we can do is try and stay positive!! Thanx fa reaching out!! Hope to stay in touch and Goodluck on ur journey as well!!
~Tippi
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve started over but that’s not what matters. What matters is what you do today in the moment not yesterday, not tomorrow, not next week, month or year stay in the day. In my experience trying to stay clean takes a lot of work for me N.A. & A.A. are the reasons why I know how to stay clean 24 hours at a time. I met my 1 yr old son 5 days clean and picked up right after haven’t seen him since. I’m not a piece of shit, idiot, I’m just an addict and I only know that and have come to believe that because of my sponsor, and working the steps. I had 80 days ready to see my son again threw it away but I keep coming back. You have a desire to stop and that’s what counts. Be kind to yourself, and take it easy. It took a long time to become the way I am from using. It’s going to take a long time to completely change. But damnit surrender on my part today with even only 10 days clean I feel so much more free, and grateful for where I’m at. I’ll tell you like someone told me the other day at a meeting. “Isn’t it nice to have a choice?” I remember when I didn’t I needed to use we both have a choice and it’s a blessing. Maybe try zoom meetings they are 24/7 around the clock don’t stop. Anywho I’m rooting for you this is a lifelong disease but recovery is possible 1 day at a time.
Awww…thanx soOoOo much luv…ur words are so kind and thoughtful!! I also wish u the best on ur journey as well!! I kno wat needs to be done juss have to take all the necessary steps to stay focused on wat i want in life, and my kids r the most important thing to me so I will continue to do watever it takes to keep dwn the right path!! I truly believe that u can also! I’ll be here taken it one day at a tym!
~Tippi
