Hi Rich, sorry to hear about your loss. It is hard.
I agree with Amy (above), you cheated on your gf and it is up to her whether she wants you in her life. It is hard for sex / lust addicts to see the depth and impact of the hurt we cause to our relationships because for us that sex addiction behaviour is our standard life for so many years, so many decades. We’ve never not lived life that way. Other people - including your girlfriend - see the insanity more clearly for what it really is, and they make choices based on that. They have a right to those choices, just as we have a right to ours. The consequences of choices - their choices and our choices - are a part of that.
I don’t think of it that way. The word “higher power” gets used a lot but it could just as easily be the word “external power”. Everything has a related external power or powers. Waves are caused by external powers (seismic activity, rocks falling in the water, etc etc). If I am the wave, me being a wave doesn’t mean I’m relying on extrinsic motivation. It means I am letting the energy flow in and through me. I’m not preoccupied with what shifting tectonic plates caused me, or what rockslide caused me. The rocks are the rocks and I am the wave. Each of us is being what we are, intrinsically.
These are groups more than literature but these groups are full of people who know about the journey of recovery in sex addiction:
For me, I am a member of SA (Sexaholics Anonymous, www.sa.org) and the literature in that - including the SA White Book, and the related SA books Step Into Action and The Real Connection - has been a huge part of my recovery.