Struggling with euphoric recall, reliving fetishes and fantasies… do not wnat to relapse. Anyone free to talk?
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Hey Leah! Whats going on right now? How can I/we help?
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no better now, meditated. I need a routine so going to work on that from tom 
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this guy who called me asking to meet with drugs kinda messed my brain up 
Have blocked his no. I am not strong yet
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Im so glad ur feeling better Great job on utilizing ur skills!
Yes on the routine!!! I thrive on routine and being productive. It helps keep my mind on the right things. Im very much about a morning recovery routine. It starts the day off on the right foot.
SO glad u blocked that guys number. I did the same for those that werent involved in recovery also. Not worth risking ur recovery over
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Hi Leah,
I understand where fantasy and romanticizing the addiction can take me. Crossing boundaries and the toxicity level in my brain starts to go up. Contacting an acting out partner from my past would constitute a very high level behavior. I would be shaking with anxiety.
My secret is that I no longer allow my eyes and mind to go there. The easiest thought for me to say, “No” to, is the first one. And if I don’t entertain the thought, I’m not going to do it. Although I don’t do this perfectly, I win significantly more battles than I lose with lust. And I take each battle very seriously. And that’s why I’ll win this war.
You lost a few battles, but you haven’t lost the war. Just don’t keep losing battle after battle after battle with this. That’s what I did. And I relapsed a lot. I now recognize that it’s easier for me to clean up my inside (lust and fantasy) so that my outside would be clean, rather than to clean up my outside behavior hoping that some of that cleanliness might rub off on my inside.
Some things come to mind when I read your share. How I placed a high amount of value on my addiction. And believing that by quitting, I was making a sacrifice. Allen Carr would describe that as a willpower method. It was helpful for me to read his book,
The Easy Way to Control Alcohol
along with Easy Peasy, the Easy Way hackbook for porn addiction.
These resources discuss the big problem of brainwashing. The idea that I think lust, fantasizing about my DOC, and acting out have high amounts of value, point to a bigger problem within me than my using. My mindset needed to change. I had see all of this fantasy for what it truly is, having no value whatsoever.
I think you’re doing great. Using some good tools. Meditation. Reaching out. Not craving alone. You’re on a good path. And you’re seeking a very good thing for yourself
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this is great. Thanks, this is so true, I no longer value all those things and I genuinely do not know why this has happened…