Struggling with helping someone quit

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Hey guys, it’s been a minute…
I need to vent a bit.

I few months ago I was working the register at the supermarket I work at. Around closing time a seemingly drunk person, who I knew to be an alcoholic, came to my register to buy alcohol. I told them I couldn’t sell them alcohol due to it being illegal to sell booze to drunk people. They told me they weren’t drunk but was suffering withdrawals. I told them that I knew how dangerous alcohol withdrawals are without professional help, so I broke the law and sold them the booze. I told them about my experience as an addict who’s been in recovery and I gave them my number. I gave them hope enough for them to stop drinking. That night they got professional help and they were sober for months.

A few days ago they came through my register again, drunk and buying beer. I told them I’d sell it to them this one time, but never again.
Last Saturday I was them again, drunk, but I was incredibly busy so I didn’t have time to have a chat with them. I happened to have seen them enter their home a few months back though so I knew where they lived. That night I visited them and talked to them for hours. I also gave my number again.

I want to help this person very badly, but I don’t have the energy and time to be there for them at all times. Add to that that there’s a massive difference between our addictions and the approaches to recovery. If I tell them that my approach is accepting my addiction and living with it, they might try the same, which is a very bad idea. (That’s why I’m only commenting on here like once every six months.)

This person has called me twice, but I didn’t have the energy to answer them the second time. I’m very frustrated with myself that I can’t be the help they need. But I knew that this would be the case, so I recommended them this forum, knowing there’d always be people to help them. But, it doesn’t seem they took my advice…

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Jan my friend, the only words of advice I have are to not take on the responsibility of someone elses sobriety. Dont break the law for them and jeopardize yourself. Also feeling like you are their only path to sobriety isn’t healthy. It’s good to encourage others, but in the end we all need to find our own way there. One person can’t carry all of anothers burdens successfuly on their shoulders as it’s not ours to own. If they want help, they’ll come here or find a sobriety network of their own. You’ve done what you can, the rest is in their hands. Hugs!

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Beautifully said by Mandi. I agree with all of what she said. You have done what you can, sobriety is up to them. Definitely don’t break the law for them or put your job at risk. Good to see you, Jan.

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If you haven’t already, you could send them links to local recovery networks as well as the forum. It might not be the help they want, but it might be the help they need!

Also everything @MandiH and @SassyRocks said :kissing_heart:

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Good to see you! I guess you have already more than 99% would ever do. Only thing you can is is to offer advice, which you have done. If this advice is taken it is great. If not, it is not your responsibility. Maybe some more drinking needs to be done and at one point they might remember your advice and take responsibility for their life

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Thats really awesome that you are going above and beyond what most people would do. I have a few relatives and many friends who are stuck in addiction. Because I have worked so hard to clean up my own life I want them to do the same. However, I’m learning that I can only control what I do. It’s up to them to to make the changes for a better life for themselves.

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take a horse to water but cant make it drink , maybe suggest a meeting might help . wish him well

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