I’m really struggling to stay sober. I’m so used to dealing with trauma and abuse with drinking. I’m working so hard at keeping myself from picking up a drink because I want to be sober for myself and my daughter but my partner is making it so difficult. He lacks any empathy or compassion for my situation and instead fills me with self doubt and hatred for myself. Everyday I’m constantly gaslighted and made to feel that anything negative in our life is my fault. I’m tired of put downs and ramifications for not doing what he wants. All I want is to be sober and live a healthy happy life. I don’t want to drink but it’s so much easier for myself to deal with daily put downs by drinking. I just wish I had more support and someone who could listen to my feelings and not use them against me. Thanks for listening.
Welcome Bree. Im glad ur here. This forum is truly an amazing piece of support for me. Hope it is for u too. Over a decade ago i was in a very absuive relationship also. I totally get how difficult it is to be with someone like that. I used drugs also during that relationship to cope with the physical, sexual, and mental/emotional abuse. Abusive relationships can be very isolating for the persin experiencing the abuse. So im sooo glad ur here!
Do they have any supports in ur area for domestic violence? During my past relationship, i would sneak out and attend counselling to help me with the abuse which also helped me to leave my ex. I dont know ur situation fully but i can tell how unhappy u are and how much u want a better life. Professional help can be soo useful. With everything ur partner is saying to u, remember that it isnt true. Everything is NOT ur fault. Youre NOT to blame. Try ur best to not internalize it (altho i totally get how hard that is bcuz being told things over n over n over we tend to begin to believe it). Stick close to the forum where there is plenty of positive people here to lift ur spirits 
come on here when ur struggling to drink and let us help u thru it. Sending you positive and uplifting vibes ur way.
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this! I don’t know what to say to make this better, but there is an amazing support system here. The people here are my support system. I have only been sober for 121 days and a little over 100 of them I was in the same position you are in now. I wouldn’t have made it to where I am now without them. So i guess the only advice i have is to come here often, especially when you’re struggling. Someone is always online as this forum has people from all around the world. We all are rooting for you! And I am proud of you for making the first steps in sobriety. Making the decision to get better is the hardest and most important step. You got this! Sending lots of love and hugs 
Really sucks having a partner that’s not supportive. And the gaslighting and blame just makes it all that much harder. I’m glad you vented.
I don’t know if your partner drinks or not. Doesn’t really matter. But there is some good reading on this thread that could be helpful. There are others that have been in your situation.
I do hope you are in a safe place. Mental abuse can be very harmful to our recovery.
As probably a lot of people here - more articulated and definitely wiser than me - told you, you WILL need some form of support to stay sober. And you’ve probably heard that it is almost impossible to stay on the wagon when you’re in constant contact with a negative, toxic person.
I cannot blame my abusive ex for my drinking. No one here - including you - blames another person for their problem. But that kind of people (I’m sorry to say this, it’s just an advice; you will decide what to do in your own time) are a bad lot, even for those who don’t have to struggle with addiction. They can bring anyone down and reduce them to a shell of a person, a shadow of our old and healthier selves. And they can and will be a dangerous trigger for each and every man or woman who chooses the path of sobriety.
During the relationship I mentioned - it was the only toxic and abusive one I’ve had in my life and I do hope I’ll never make that mistake again - my drinking got soooooo worse. The verbal and emotional abuse I suffered is nothing in comparison to what a lot of people here experienced, but it was more than enough to speed up my way (sorry for my bad English) to alcoholism.
And when I finally left him - I read somewhere that it takes an average of eight (if I’m not mistaken) attempts before the abused leaves their abuser - it took me A LOT, an awful lot of time to even try to get sober. To even try not to despise myself.
Sorry if I wrote too much about myself, but I just wanted you to know that, in my opinion, it would be much easier if you could start thinking about leaving him.
I don’t know what your situation is and I do know it’s hard to leave even if one is financially stable and independent, so, if it’s too early for you, my advice is to put yourself first and start working on your coping skills and tools that will help you get rid of the poison that crippled so many lives. By doing so, you will start to heal, you will get stronger with each day, you will learn how to fight and be the best version of yourself.
Do ANYTHING it takes, because a sober life is worth every ounce of your resolve.
You’ve made the first steps. You admitted you had a problem, you chose to be sober and you got here and this is an amazing place to be. Here you’ll find loads of support and advice and meet really great people.
I wish you all the best. Hugs!
My husband is a narcissist. I feel like I was reading my own post. Just have one thing that’s your and it’s your sobriety. Hopefully as the days clocked up self worth will too. Big hugs it’s not easy x
If sobriety is what you want keep giving it to yourself. Drinking is not the answer but perhaps space from your partner or exercise can help fill the gap and release some tension.
You can always find support here. Thanks for sharing 
Hi there. I just wanted you to know that you will find support here. You are not alone. The more you show up here, the more support you get. Glad you joined us.
I came back to this thread again and want to make a shoutout. How are you doing @Breetini1 ?
We are here for you 