Struggling with my sex addiction day 54

TW

I get along well with this coworker but on 2 occasions he’s mentioned sexual topics. (I’m not uncomfortable except for my sobriety)

I’m not sure what to think. Is he trying to see how far he can go? I’ve had inappropriate conversations with others at my previous job but I don’t want to find myself in a conversation that leads to unemployment, flirting, or a label. Nobody knows about my addiction or how my husband said “I’ll die before ever fucking you again!”.

I’m not attracted to this guy but have caught myself wondering about how his fingers would feel inside me. As well as if he is attracted to me. I want him to be but WHY when I don’t even want him?! I worried he quit the other day and wrote down his number off the employee contact sheet to reach out if he had. Clearly I lack sound judgment!

I have stopped myself on at least 2 occasions from discussing sex toys, oral, and BDSM. Saying “I’ll stop before I get in trouble.” Could it be because I’m not masturbating or having sex? This is literally the longest I’ve ever went without since losing my virginity over 20 years ago!

I’ve considered breaking my 90 day reset to stop these thoughts but know I’ll be pissed when it doesn’t work. Bargaining that it won’t be that bad because my urges will be here forever anyway. Masturbating would be better than riding him! I’ve 100% done worse. I have told myself this isn’t what I want. I miss doses and try rationalizing maybe that’s why I have these thoughts. But I also feel like taking the med is cheating in the first place. That I don’t have enough will power on my own. How I hate taking pills. I’m trying to be mindful of how I walk and not sway my hips. I’M ALL OVER THE PLACE!

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Sorry to hear about your situation. It is hard. It is a classic sex addict situation; I know the feeling.

Because it is about pushing the envelope; it is about exploring the “thrill”, the forbidden. It is about the tease of transgression. Mentally - intellectually, rationally - you know it’s crazy. (Addiction is crazy.) But this is not mental and never has been. This is about self-indulgent, using-other-people, addiction-centred living.

No. The myth that humans will get some kind of medical or psychological problem by abstaining from sexual behaviour is false, and has always been false. It is possible, and common (especially among people who work their recovery from sex addiction), to live years, decades, even a whole life without sex. (And it doesn’t matter, because sex is not the centre of life. Alcohol is also not the centre of life.) There is fulfillment and peace, and a rich, full emotional life. Sex is a choice.

No they won’t. If you work a program fully - and there are many effective programs - if you choose a legitimate program and commit to it fully, the obsession will disappear. It takes effort, day by day.

You know where this goes if you keep interacting with this person. What does your recovery learning say? What is a helpful next step for you here?

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