I can say my life is much better. I never want to give up this life. Iv experienced so much being sober its so refreshing but of recent im struggling to get out of my head. I constantly bully myself that im outloud now making weird sounds to shut out the noise and the voice in my head. Its almost becoming like a tick now and i get so fed up and lost in this voice i have to break it by “grunting or whining or moaning” problem is im not able to shut the voice out and im increasingly doing it in public and look like a lunatic. If not im shaking my head like a wobble or a no to try to break the pattern and sometimes banging or jerking my hands. I dont have like schizophrenia or bipolar nor am i depressed but its just relentless. I never used to be like this but did suffer from self esteem issues but i feel since being sober im much more comfortable in my skin. But i cant shut this constant buzzing of bullying and vile thoughts. I dont particularly want to go to the doctor but equally im starting to twitch for something to block it. Drugs or painkillers. Im just tired of feeling like im on edge and wanna scream or claw at my own skin. I just want peace. Again i dont know whats triggered this or whether this is just addiction fucking with me or im not well or this is just normal. Its been getting worse and started about 3 months ago.
My son had similar issues. I think you should see a doctor.
It’s scary opening up to health professionals 
I can tell you from my experience it wasn’t as bad as I had thought would be. It was a relief really.
It isn’t as bad as we imagine it will be.
Sending you hugs 
Bravest thing a person can do is ask for help. I know you can!
Megan, you sounds like such a nice, sweet person who has endured so much. You deserve some relief and a doctor can help. Your GP will know exactly what to do. Sometimes our nervous systems get so disregulated from trauma and addicition that our minds cant cope. Im not sure what kind of addction you had, but for me when I was coming off alcohol and drugs, my mind played some tricks on me as well. It lasted months, and I couldnt tell it was really happening until it stopped and I looked back on my mindset. Ive heard some people it lasts longer, and if gone untreated who knows how it can manifest, right? A doctor will be able to create a treatment plan with you to find ways to soothe your symptoms, so your nervous system and mind can recalibrate and heal. Its really the safest route.
You can do this.
Otherwise, in the meantime, or in conjuction, try writing your thoughts down, or even sharing them here to get some external input. If your ruminating in your thoughts, then you need to find a way to stop the spiraling. I find when I get into negative thought patterns where I am replaying memories and trauma and hating myself, I have to first realise Im doing it, stop, and then try to intentionally counter the story with one that is more empathetic towards myself. Like, if I say “I cant do anything right, I’ve wasted my life,” I will realise Im spiraling, Stop the thinking, and then say “that isnt true, Michelle. You have done things that matter. Even with the things you quit or failed at, you tried, and that is valuable.” Always, remind yourself that you are important and loved. We’ve all been through so much, and its okay to be struggling, but you need to help yourself by talking to the doctor and working to challenge your thoughts. I believe in you.
Thanks everyone. Just feeling abit desperate at the minute. Ill look into getting a doctor appointment monday to hopefully shed some light. I dunno why i just hoped it would be something that would get better or a natural process of giving everything up, i hate wasting the doctors time. Really appreciate everyone who took the time to message. Xx
Because you are a human. That is how we think. So good news! You are normal like the rest of us!!
Big Scottish hug coming your way keep you safe till your appointment
Its always best to be proactive about our health and mental health. Its when we leave things and they get worse and grow bigger, that we put ourselves and doctors in difficult situations because they have to unravel so many layers to the issue. A doctor told me once, if you have symptoms, come in to check as soon as possible, and the treatment will be MUCH simplier and quicker than if you leave it. I hope that helps you realise that you arent wasting anybodys time - your mental health is important and you deserve to find recovery, peace and happiness, especially after accomplishing sobriety for any length of time.
Were rooting for you. Good luck at the doctors.
Hey there,
Your not alone, my internal roommate is constantly telling me I’m inferior, I’m usless, ugly, unlovable, he highlights daily, my flaws and shortcomings, i busy myself constantly so I’m preoccupied, to busy to focus in on his voice, I’m terrified of failure regarding anything that has an impact on another, ie work, wife, kids ect, letting people down is a phobia that causes me to consistently overdo things that impacts me negativity both physically (i have lumbar and cervical stenosis) and mentally, which in turn gives my roommate more fuel for the fire. A vicious circle, but one I’m determined to break.
You are loved, you are wanted and you are enough 
Just an update. Iv been to the doctors and been prescribed some medications to try to navigate the murky waters of mental health, im also in the channels to talk to someone specialised so theyv looked after me and got everything rolling. I feel alot calmer from when i first wrote this post as i was desperate and reaching out. I didnt drink or put a blot on my sobreity which im thankful for and im really thankful for everyone’s kind advice and giving me a push to seek out help. I felt hopeless and to be honest terrified, i could feel a rapid change in my mental health without cause and frankly i couldnt cope with how intense it was. Thankyou to everyone for making me feel worth it and not so alein. Really appreciate you all x
I’m glad to hear you are feeling alot better and that you are now recieving help
