I always thought I had. Strong marriage, but he has been depressed for the last 10 years, and while I am sympathetic and trying to help….I have lost me and my why for existence. His depression is feeding my trauma (abandonment, unworthiness, etc.). How do I be. Good companion (compassionate and helpful….) and not lose myself? I am at the end of my compassion rope….I feel lost and alone….and don’t know what to do
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You are not alone. You are here. You’ve reached out. This is connection. This is a community.
What are you guys currently doing about the depression? What are you currently doing about YOUR self care?
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I’m sorry the waters are rough right now and you are struggeling 
I think you can’t take care of someone else if you don’t look after yourself first 
Like the staff in a plane show you by explaining about the oxygen mask. You have to put it on yourself first before helping your child with it.
So what are you doing for yourself?
Like therapy to heal from your own trauma? Ore a support group for partners with a significent other with depression?
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I second what @SoberWalker wrote.
It is not selfish if you look after yourself first. We were not made to sacrifice ourselves for others. I think that you already are a compassionate person, because you care about your partner. Despite he’s depressed it should not be only one way relationship, it’s not going to work and none of you’ll be happy. Your partner needs to put some work into this so he gets better. You can be there for him as a support but not if you’re not in the right headspace yourself…
I am sorry it’s not easy now 
But you’re not alone. Not in sense of the only one going through such struggles and not in sense of not having people who’d understand and care about you. We care. I care.
Wishing you all the best 
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