Holy shitballs I’m just dying right now. fuck being an adult who tries and tries and tries and keeps getting shit on and watching my husband get shit on and almost crippled with depression. his mom is a toxic passive aggressive asshole who tells him she doesn’t think he loves her (TF?!?) despite her being the one who asked us to move back since she’s sick and us relocating our entire life an hour away, spending an extra 150/month on gas alone, I’m buying groceries for like seven people, he visits with her daily and yet she has the fucking audacity to say he doesn’t love her. We bend over backwards to make his parents happy, we have made them so much a part of our kids lives, we have done everything they’ve asked, and they never, never just tell him thank you, I love you, or “you’re good enough the way you are son”. Instead it’s, “let me punch you in the face” “you’re an asshole son” “everything is your fault son” doing this constantly in front of my goddamn children which drives me up the wall, this treatment has been over the course of his entire life, but then I end up feeling like the asshole for getting mad about the behaviors of a bitter old lady with COPD who dates murderers and had addicts in and out of his life constantly. He loves his parents so much but they fucking stonewall his ass non stop. I’m almost at my limit and I’m sticking to my sober guns bc I’ll be damned if I let anyone else fucking direct the course of my life EVER AGAIN. Any ideas on how to discuss our handle this without alienating them. My husband’s told his parents we wanted to move out of the area sometime in the next two years to a town about 90 minutes away and they said it was selfish. These fucking people, man. They want him to succeed but only in their fucked, warped version where we never get the fuck out of their house in the end ( I will burn it to the ground before that happens, it smells like years of dog shit and piss everywhere, I just cannot). Personally I really want to get my own family the motherfuck out of there before my kids pick up her toxicity too. And his dad is quieter but not any better, at all. Just, know this, we do love them, it’s just so much toxicity and he does sooooo much better when we’re on our own. What to do? I also have pretty moderate almost severe anxiety (lifelong) and manage with Wellbutrin, exercise and the occasional cig. So things are good…
Sounds to me like there has to be a choice he has to make, his family or his parents. You can’t live your lives dictated by them. They’re never going to agree with him moving so just do it together anyway. Wounds heal eventually.
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Branch out on your own with your husband and children. And when you are happier let them back in, but only if they make effort. Talk to them communicate to them how your feeling. They might not know that they are treating both of you badly. Best of luck.