The reason I’m posting here is to talk about my deranged binge drinking. I started 15 years ago (40 now) and have used it to escape my horrible life. However since 2020 I have really really wanted to quit, tried AA, counselling etc. until I have recently figured out what was going wrong and have nailed it for good. There is no need to ever go back to binging again however there still remains a problem, living in sobriety. I have not really tried this as an adult and especially not as of late.
The problem with my drinking stemmed from a number of things. But one of the strongest motivators has been having feelings. All I’ve really wanted to do is get through life as fast as possible. Despite working so hard I have always been broke, lonely and unable to set roots anywhere. There really is very little to live for speaking in the most positive sense. I’ve always wanted to be part of something else or someone else but who wants to know a loser? Exactly no one. No matter how you shape it no one likes a fucking loser with no friends or family. So that did not inspire me to stop.
One thing I did not anticipate was that this was going to require work. That was it. All I had to do to stop fucking up the last 18 months was to understand, this would require work. Then do the work. It’s not just about a decision, but also putting in the work as per that decision. That’s it. How hard is that to mess up!?
I haven’t lost anything due to alcohol. No disasters, no meltdowns or arrests. Maybe a lot of time and money has been lost but that would have been wasted anyway. There’s been no one on my side. Living in alcoholic illusion has simply been a more comfortable way to exist and my little way of rebelling against the world. Apart from that I’ve been a normal, working, law abiding person who has never managed to really get anywhere in their dumb ass life. And maybe my real issue was that I should have given up earlier on my stupid dead dreams.
Hey welcome. It sounds like you just woke up to some time lost due to drinking. Sober is hard, those emotions will blindside you but sober is how you make all those dreams possible. Its both easier and harder to drink your days away. Easier because you don’t feel and hard for the same reason.
I found community here. These are the people I tell about my days and my challenges. Stick around, put in the time you spent drinking and use it to connect to people who know where you come from. If you need more face to face interaction, try a meeting.
Congrats on deciding to live sober. I’m 2 and 1/2 years in on my sober journey and life has only gotten better. Welcome aboard.
Thanks TrustyBird. Your words are very much appreciated. It is nice to be able to talk to others also on their sober journeys. There is no doubt living sober is a better way to live.
I am quitting after many years of drinking, so the effect it is having on my brain and body is difficult. There’s no impulse to run out and start drinking. Though it is making me feel uncomfortable the way any withdrawal would. Also I am starting to feel old emotions again.
It is not really the lost time. There is nothing really to my life, just going from city to city, job to job trying to survive. As you get older you want to settle down somewhere. I’ve not been oblivious to that inevitability but the lack of opportunities and options available has never felt right. I wanted life to be modest, not austere. I don’t blame myself for making the initial choices in sobriety that lead to my alcoholism but I’m not going to stop feeling disappointed in myself.
It’s hard to be sober,I know, I’ve been on an off here the past 4 years trying to stay sober.
I’m sure I eventually will stay sober forever.
You got to have hope.
But even if I won’t, I’ll never keep trying.
You aren’t a failure if you doesn’t succeed, you just need a new plan so you can try again.
If you stop trying on the other hand, it’s hard to succeed at all.
Emotions can also be difficult, I used to do like you. Drink or use drugs to not feel, or not think.
It’s comfortable, but it’s not a good way to cope. Sooner or later those feelings will catch you no matter what you do. And working with them sober instead of drinking them away will be much more useful and give you tools to keep going forward.
As a last thing I also want to say that no dreams are stupid. You can still do everything you want to do, no matter what it is.
It’s the dreams that makes us go forward and reach our goals.
Life probably doesn’t go as planned for anyone, that doesn’t mean that we should stop dreaming about things we want, or who we want to be. We should always work on that.
Life feels pointless for all of us from time to time. No one is over the top happy or a positive babbling sparkling Disney Delight all the time. It’s impossible, because life happens no matter if we want it or not. When it does we can always choose how to act on it.
Find something you looking forward to everyday. And make sure you do it.
It doesn’t have to be something big,it can be something so small like having morning coffee from your favorite mug.
Eat a piece of you favorite chocolate.
Read the comics first in the Newspaper because they are the most fun ones.
And if you can’t find anything you’re looking forward to, nothing that brights your mode everyday,then it’s time to create something small that does. Life isn’t the big events that might happen, it’s the small moments that you put together.
Everything can and will get better always. It doesn’t necessarily means bigger or more important but better.
We’re all here for you if you need it.