I don’t have the triggers I thought EVERY addict had.
I can talk about it, I can see it on tv, watch it being used in movies…but the ones that I do have pop up out if the blue and lick me right square in the face!
Opening a sandwich baggie to put a sandwich in my lunch box…
The color hunter orange poking out from under the pillow on the bed (turned out to be the comforter)…
Alka-seltzer…
The worst so far???
Sitting in church and my right hand rested on my left wrist and felt the blood beat through the vein I used. RIGHT there in church, I would have relapsed if I’d have had it. Thank God I didn’t!!!
I remember relaxing on my day off, smoking a cig in my own thoughts. I was thinking about my trip to visit my father (Puerto Rico) and thought to myself that it would be fine if I had one beer or a shot while on the beach. Then it dawned on me that I’m not going there to have a vacation. I’m going there to spend time with my elderly father and that out of all the places to drink, Puerto Rico would be such a idiotic place to start at (I have history there).
I’m surrounded by people here who drink on the DL. They respect me enough to not to offer and actually some rely on me to go out with em so that I can drive and look out for em. Especially my female counterparts. I commend you on recognizing your triggers and always staying aware.
My biggest trigger was the bathroom sink counter in my master bedroom. That’s where I used to do coke every night after work to hide it from my daughter. I avoided that bathroom the first month of my sobriety. Until one day my husband asked me why I was showering in my daughter’s bathroom and no sooner did I explain, he went out purchased a new counter and installed it that day. He took the old one outside, gave me a sledge hammer and I smashed it to pieces. What a great feeling of relief!
Same here, being around alcohol and seeing/smelling it doesn’t bother me. Hearing about it or talking about it doesn’t trigger me or tempt me for whatever reason.
But if I smell Red Bull or something else that I used to use as a chaser….
It’s so strange isn’t it? There are certain songs or movies that bring these feelings back up for me. But then sometimes it’s the smell of washing up liquid or bleach (that takes me back to a specific bar I used to go to when I was drinking the most). Sometimes it just seems to come out of the blue and there’s no real trigger, just a change in the air. That feeling of restlessness and itching to do something and nothing at all at the same time.
