Hi everyone. I have decided to take 90 days off from internet dating. These feels really hard for me and i feel very lonely. I need to do this though because my dating life has been a mess for years and upset me greatly numerous times. Has anyone else experienced this? Especially in the online dating world?
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Get comfortable with yourself, before you start dating.
I’ve dated online before and still do, but after getting clean and breaking up I remained single for a year before I dated again. After two weeks I ended it.
Had a profile on Tinder and Bumble shortly, but didn’t feel right. So removed them again.
Next week, after 18 months, a first date with someone I also met online.
Don’t rush things. Get comfy with yourself first.
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Thankyou Fargesia for your support and for sharing your experience. I am really bad at being comfortable with myself so i think i find comfort in others, which is not good
I used to be the same in active addiction when not in a relationship.
Trying to fill the void with a date. Indeed it doesn’t work out well.
Basically it means you’re expecting something impossible from that date. Unfair to both yourself and the other.
Get comfy with yourself first. And no, that ain’t easy. But it is necessary.
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I agree with you. It’s so true what you are saying. I have to let go of my ego and be fair to others and myself
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I’m online. According to most dates I’ve had online, I am well mannered, polite and kind.
So it does exist online.
Do not mistake personal experiences or opinions for common truth 
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As mentioned online dating can be stressful for lack of a better word. Dating in sobriety can be tricky in general and then throw in the dopamine of swiping and matching (it’s a real thing) and in can certainly bring up previous feelings. There’s also the constant state of matching and rejection which can also be difficult.
If they recommend waiting a year before dating I’d say wait even longer to try online dating. When I was 3 years sober I realized that even then it was quite trying and I would def limit my time doing it.
That being said I have met many women there. I even my current girlfriend there and we have developed a very solid (and great) relationship.
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There are a lot of serious dating sites where you don’t swipe and match (or not)…
Benefit of those sites can be, you get to know a lot about each other before you even make the first contact. While when I would have to adress someone in a pub or at the gym, I have to go by someone looks and nothing more.
Yes you did, yet you declared online dating horrible and stating politeness etc wasn’t found online.
That simply is an incorrect generalisation.
Who said I didn’t ?
But that can happen both offline as well as online.
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