Hello all…I have been on this app for awhile now but this is my first post. I decided to write a post to make the journey of no longer drinking more real. Also I want to put in writing my struggle. I’m not really sure what I am. I havent called myself an alcoholic but maybe I should. Just rip the band off. I seem to be able to go without alcohol for days with no problem. I can even have a couple of beers at dinner and be content. The problem is there seems to be more and more times when I dont stop. I drink everything I can find. One or two drinks isnt enough. I lose control of any will power. I am not sure how or when this change took place but I dont like it. I keep telling myself to just set a limit of two drinks and then stop but I am afraid that is no longer going to work. There seems to be a trigger, something inside me that says I could use a drink today and then it starts. I dont know what it is other than that is the addiction talking. I need to take back control. Hopefully being more interactive with this app will help.
It will. Read read read. I am the same way. I’ve been drinking 19 years and could only ‘control’ it during my teenage years. But even then there were red flags(like the first time I blacked out at 17). The disease of addiction progresses the longer we use. A song by Bob Moses ‘Too much is never enough’ reminds me of why I’m here. Good you realized this is beginning to happen to you now bc when I was about 21 is the first time I thought of myself as an alcoholic but I really just didn’t care and just wanted to keep having ‘fun’. It’s no longer fun. Its exhausting. Good luck on your journey of helping yourself 
Congrats on making the decision. Maybe consider going to AA meetings. This app is a great community with tons of information to help you too but having support in real life is also important. Be sure to check in daily, it’s a great form of accountability. Here’s the link:
Checking in daily to help maintain focus #7
@Sleestaks
I may take some grief for this, but if saying alcoholic is not where you are right now; try saying I can drink as much as I want when I want but I choose not to. Then maybe it relieves some of the doom of omg I’m an alcoholic. Hope this makes sense and helps
Hang in there, it can be done✌
I was a binge drinker without the physical dependence as well (could take days or weeks off without physical withdrawal). I got to the point where the results of even starting with 1 drink were unpredictable and were every few months ending in missing work or even jail! Which was so baffling to me because I believed at the time that I COULDN’T be an alcoholic because I didnt drink every day like my father, and because there were lots of times even towards the end where I did only have one or two drinks and stopped (though I didnt enjoy it much).
I’m so glad I took myself off that miserable carousel starting by entering rehab and I am now someone who does not drink. It was hard at first but alcohol is truly the least of my problems today, even though its still something that could derail the life I’ve built entirely if I chose to use it again. I rarely have cravings for it anymore. I’m glad I got my ability to be in control of my own actions based on my true moral compass back after working a program of recovery!
Welcome. Good to see you.
Don’t get bogged down in labels and stuff.
I " ripped the bandaid off" I’m an alcoholic. Solves all sorts of problems with me because when the voice starts saying to me that " hey come on it been over a year, your cured! " I can say no as I’m an alcoholic!
But that’s me.
Maybe you’re getting this before it gets too bad. Perhaps in a few years time you could be an everyday drinker.
What ever works for you really.
Read around on here.
Welcome @Sleestaks! What you wrote reminds me of me when I first go sober. I wasn’t sure if I was an alcoholic. Like you, I could go days without drinking, or I could occasionally drink in moderation, but it wasn’t until I really took a close look at my relationship with alcohol that I realized I was abusing it, and the abuse was enough to convince me that I am an alcoholic. I was using alcohol to cope with life, negative events and positive alike, I used alcohol to cope. Like @anon12657779, accepting that I was an alcoholic made things a lot simpler. It finally gave me a starting point to rebuild my life.
Stuck around and join us on this crazy sober adventure!
I’m new here and new to not drinking. Just 18 days new. While cliche, I wanted a new start to the new year.
I’ve been drinking daily for was long as I can remember (probably since around 2002) and have been thinking about stopping for months.
I want to sleep better.
I want to be completely healthy.
I want to be in control.
I want to live better.
I want to BE better.
And I think I’ve made a start.
Thanks for your post.
I am new to this group and 1 yr clean, but been in recovery since 2012. I’ve been using many substances since a young age and was what you may call a functioning addict. Unfortunately… the only ones I had harmed were the ones closest to me. I used daily since I was a teenager and very heavily. All my family used the same and I believed that I inherited my addiction and that it was inevitable. Towards the end of my use I was so angry at everything, highly emotional, suicidal thoughts and risky behavior. I couldn’t control my intake and started becoming a pig. Never home and always a drama just so I could use.
I entered rehab 2011 and stayed for 1 yr. That’s was the hardest ever and lost a 10yr relationship through this period. I used immediately after exiting but was supported by fellow members of NA and AA to jump back on board. Achieved 4 yrs clean time and become very stable and financial secure. Went back to school and achieved a post graduate diploma which is big for this addict who was kicked out of school at 15yrs for selling drugs. Started working in the health sector and felt on cloud 9… which I now understand that I was becoming complacent. I began to think that I was okay and wanted to explore social drinking. A couple at bbqs or with dinner after work. I lasped again in 2016 after a scare of loosing someone and then I actioned my thoughts of social drinking come 2018 and well… come 2019 new years day. Short story…I had harmed someone while under the influence.
19/1/2019 was my last drink. Yesterday was my 1 yr.
While reflecting on my social drinking experience, I can see how the insanity and manageability can occur. And how the 12 steps is designed to create a lifestyle for better living. Our addiction or disease is cunning and may convince you that everything is fine while st the same time, be killing you slowly. I was only drinking 1 to 4 bottles on an occasion over that year and was managing it well until the new years episode.
Today I now understand that I’m a full blown addict and can not do this alone because I will most certainly try to sabotage my recovery for sure.
A bit long winded but felt the need to share after reading your post. Love my life today and back on track for greater things. All the best on your journey.