Hello! I am not new here, but haven’t been on in a while and had to re-sign up because I forgot my login. Anyway, I am on my, like, 8th Day 1 in the last month. I am trying to get better at actually committing to a recovery plan and remember that my alcohol abuse does matter. Eh, long story short… I am reading Refuge Recovery, a buddhist recovery program and similar to AA it is asking for inventories of a huge number of things. Currently I am stuck on “list everyone you’ve ever hurt due to your addiction”. The list is going to be looooooonnnnng. It will take a long while to muddle through 25 years worth of drunken memories to find all these people and I only have one question on how to proceed:
Do I start at the beginning when I was first drinking and move forward to now? Or do I start at now and move back in time? I have to do it linearly because, like I said, it is going to take a long time to get through the hundreds of times I’ve hurt people. Thank you all, and I am glad to be back. Here’s to my 75,000th Day 1.
I would take inventory on the people that are still in your daily life. If this is anything like step work your going to be asked to amend with these people. Many from your past that may no longer be in your life may make that hard to do. Dont overwhelm yourself trying to think back so far. Start at a point you can remember well and work from there.
I agree with @Donnie_Spiering. Start where it is easiest to remember. If it is anything like step 4 in the 12 steps you can always go back and add to it as you remember more. Letting go of perfection helped me move forward, if you can’t remember everything all at once don’t sweat it. Get the most important people down and more will come to you. Glad to see someone getting after it!
Thanks for the input. I am stalling because it seemed like a huge thing I had to get done all at once. But you’re right, focus on the most current important ones for now.
i’d suggest just writing whatever comes to mind. i’d say don’t stress yourself out about perfecting the process, just get the process going! and it sounds like you are so that’s great.
i was encouraged not to worry about getting every single last detail down immediately as that would be counterproductive to moving forward. so i wrote everything i could remember and as more came to me i just added it. the big part here was that i had to ensure i was being honest with myself. that i wasn’t willfully neglecting to put something on my list out of embarrassment or fear or anything. i was encouraged that if i could honestly say i wrote it to the best of my ability at the time - that was good enough for the time being. if i’m out about my day and i remember something, i jot it down and add it when i get back home.
it had also been suggested to me to write down some positives while doing inventory work. a lot of this inventory is stuff we aren’t proud of, so it helped to write a few things i’d done RIGHT down as well. or maybe add to a gratitude list after doing some inventory work, just a suggestion that was given to me and might help you.
either way gald you’re back here and asking questions and engaging in your recovery. best to you!
A good start is get a pad of paper. Write a name on each page. Names that come to mind. It DOES NOT have to be in any kind of order. The amount of harm done to this person doesn’t matter at this point. Just write the names 1 name a page usually will suffice. But if it’s a long one, leave a few pages😉
Then jot down your thoughts on each page following the 4th step outline
To add, my friend said that his sponsor said write everyone I had ever met on a page. Lol. Of course I didn’t. That would be thousands and thousands of names. But it relaxes you. And the important ones make it onto the pages
No sponsors that I have seen, but there is a community online. I live in an area that does not have their meetings, commonly the only option for in person meetings is AA, which I may try going to as well.
and it sounds like you are so that’s great.