i feel like im missing out. i was reading wikipedia and found more substances i have access to and could try. it’s hard to imagine being sober for the rest of my life.
when i was using i always had something varying from funny to dangerous (which was also funny) happen and i’d report to my online friends. i felt like i was annoying them though, however they always responded. now not so much. it’s like they stopped wanting to be my friends. most of them don’t use and the one who did had quit a while ago, so i don’t really get it.
It sounds like you are justifying wanting to use because it’s “fun”? Doesn’t seem worth it to find out. I’m happy sober and gave up one thing to gain everything
What exactly are you missing out on? Buying that drug that you believe is one thing only for it to turn out to be fent infused and a loved one finding your body? Sorry to be so blunt but addiction is a dangerous game these days. People have od’ed on a joint lately. You are rolling the dice every time you use any more. Give recovery a chance. Find out what you have been missing out on in life because you spent so long in a chemically induced state. I remember running the streets thinking I was having a blast but now I look back and it’s all a blur. The most vivid memories are the traumatic ones. Don’t focus on being clean the rest of your life. Focus on staying clean one day at a time. It will start to become natural for you. I promise that you will be able to look back on your clean days and remember them clearly.
im not sure what i mean either, im dissociating a lot sorry haha. i am really glad to hear that! i don’t feel i can relate though. reality is terrifying to me. i don’t enjoy it. i didn’t get sober for myself, maybe that’s why im not very content with it.
thanks for your reply! also congratulations on 27 years, that’s amazing.
im not very thrilled about reality. i am afraid of making memories, i still end up avoiding everything. i went on an excursion today though. the hiking part was nice, but i slept through everything else. it wasn’t bad at all yet i hope i forget.
Yeah I totally understand that. It is scary absolutely!
You have to get sober for yourself
It’s not a matter of if but when you relapse if you are doing it to please others.
I wish you the best of luck! I think perhaps you should look at trauma counseling or counseling first and foremost, sobriety definitely could be a topic but you need to work on those others things. Think of the things that you just thought of when you read that… The things you aren’t telling us. Those are the things that make sobriety seems daunting. I know you better than you might know even though I don’t know you.
thank you! yea that’s true. good idea! i got terminated by my therapist recently so im searching for a new one rn. i have a psychiatrist but she doesn’t do counseling.
They probably aren’t real friends if the only time they pay attention to you is when you do something self destructive or that is entertaining to them.
I find that conversations with real people where I can be completely open and relaxed are kind of like a high.
I’d give some thought to finding people that are genuine and care about you instead of people that get off on watching you fuck up your life…
When recovery lost its magic for me, it was really hard to find it again. I had been sober for a long time.
When I got clean and sober, I did it for me. Its was a lot of work. It required a huge effort on my behalf to change my ways. It was good though. I got my life back.
Somewhere along the way, recovery lost its magic. I started to romance being able to drink again. I shared about it. Nobody co-signed. It didn’t make it better, or make it go away. I quit talking about it until I convinced myself to act upon it.
It well a well thought out plan. I figured I could quit again if my experiment failed. No big deal…
It was way harder to quit than I ever imagined it would be. I spent eight years of mostly misery trying to have “fun”.
I don’t know what types of substances your thinking about using that you feel your missing out on. The excitement of trying something new will most likely be replaced with regret. It could take you on a ride your not expecting.
It wasn’t worth it for me. I got taken on a ride I wasn’t expecting or prepared for.
Its very common to feel like you do when approaching a year. Dont give up.
