Thanksgiving has come and gone and I made it through sober. Although today my heart is heavy.
Tomorrow is my thirty days of sobriety.
Today my family is all gathered at my dads house to celebrate and I’m sitting at home watching movies that are making me cry. I am trying to establish healthy boundaries with my family because I come from a family of active addicts. I know they’re all getting high and getting smashed and I know my addict would come through full force and I cannot afford to put my sobriety at risk. I woke up in a bad mood, scratch that just a down right depressed state. I had a therapy session this morning and I did nothing but blubber. It’s a white out in my area so going outside would be neither safe or therapeutic. I’m trying to engage myself in a craft or a project. I’ve already cleaned my house top to bottom and I literally feel nothing. I decorated for Christmas in efforts to boost my spirits but that just made me realize how broken my family is. I wish there were a meeting for me to attend this evening but there’s not so I’ll just talk with my sponsor and try to fill this void with something else. I’m still sober. I’m still alive. This too shall pass….
You are using your tools and taking such good care of yourself…I think that is pretty freakin awesome. It is perfectly normal to be feeling down. There is so much pressure on us at holidays. Maybe there is an online meeting? Someone here may know of one.
All that crying? Sounds to me like you need the release. Nothing wrong with crying, in fact it can be so cathartic and such an incredible release of long held emotion. So let that shit go…weep. I have been doing the same lately. Journaling can also be helpful or movement or sitting quietly sometimes. Finding ways to release all that stuff inside us is so important and y are doing just that…good job you!
Yes!! It will pass I’ve been in rehab for 20 days and also missed Thanksgiving with my family and my kids but I’m where I need to be and if I was home I’d probably be passed out in bed drinking missing it all. Don’t beat your self up for not attending setting healthy boundaries is a must when your in recovery and your doing amazing 30 days is huge congratulations!!!
Intherooms.com has a great women’s meeting tonight. It’s called soul sisters and it starts in an hour and 30 minutes from now (9pm EST). All addictions are welcome and it’s not AA or NA specific. No cameras are required and you only share if you want to. I like to just listen. It helps to know I’m not alone.
I just want to comment on how much I admire you for setting the right boundaries and going about this hard holiday sober. You are awesome. Great example of protecting your sobriety. It will be rewarded.
I appreciate all the support I have so freely been given throughout my time here. Without people like you helping me through this forum I wouldn’t be here. I am working on myself and the biggest thing I have learned this far is that it is OKAY for me to be selfish in my recovery. It took hearing it from some of you folks and from my sponsor to understand why… In the beginning I felt like I was punishing the people around me for setting boundaries and not involving myself in those settings because I should be able to control myself. Truth be told growing up around addiction I thought this was what everybody did. I had the preconceived notion that this behavior was a normality. It wasn’t until I found my rock bottom, that the rosé colored glasses fell off and I seen myself for who I became. That person isn’t me. Self medicating and avoidance did me no favors, I definitely wasn’t surrounded by people who loved me and truely wanted the best for me. I never learned how to self manage life on life’s terms. I just fell into bottles and baggies, I thought I was dealing with hurdles when in reality I was only creating so many more. Today I am more clear minded, focused, and healthy. First and foremost for myself, but also I am working on setting a healthy example for my daughter so she doesn’t relive the same life as I did. Genetically I understand she is predisposed to addiction but I can raise her in a way she doesn’t feel the need to rely on substances for love and validation. I want to emphasize the importance of healthy and safe relationships. I’m breaking generational ties or trying my best to blaze the trail. For her and her future. I couldn’t do it if I wasn’t selfish with my sobriety, I would free fall back to the bottom I’ve been working so hard to rise above. I’m falling in love with who I am without substances. I’m no longer the bottom feeder, but a strong and capable individual who has so much more to look forward to than my next drug or drink. It’s honestly been so freeing!
Thank you all again, I’m grateful for this platform and all the tools I’ve been learning from so many of you, from my local fellowship, and from my amazing sponsor. This combination has been guiding my success and shown me the love I’ve never shown myself. I’ve been working my steps and I’ve been involving myself in serving the fellowship. Along the way I’ve learned so much about myself, and met some pretty awesome people to connect with (both virtually and in person.)
Sobriety is beautiful, and I deserve it just as much as anybody else!
30 days down, and a whole lifetime ahead It does get better and we do recover!
