So I’m preparing for tomorrow, I’m scared and anxious. My whole life I had no problems with smoking for a night or two and never thought addiction would be something I would struggle with. Which brings me to where I made a mistake and am now in this situation.
Awhile ago I thought it would be an amazing idea (since in my head I couldn’t get addicted) to semi smoke everyday just to stop overeating and to help be more active and lose weight, then had the plan to quit when I reached my weight, genius right? I had finally been the person to beat the system eye roll at myself.
I absolutely figured out when in the day to stop smoking so I could still sleep, and in my eyes if I could sleep then there wasn’t a problem.
Fast forward to 4 weeks later, okay let’s take a break so I can check and see if maybe now I’ve somehow instilled this newfound daily routine and energy into my brain. I have never felt what this was about to feel like. The next morning comes and it’s groggy but fine, then as the clock rolls closer to noon I literally feel like my heart is going to beat so fast that it’s going to stop, and felt like i was going to have seizures and die. I pushed through that day, slept for 13 hours then woke up with the anxiety of hardcore heart palpitations. The third day I had to smoke again in the morning and go back to the morning and afternoon smoke just to avoid those feelings.
Fast forward to now, four months later using my daily routine I explained above, and I decided not to get anymore and deal with the consequences of my own ignorant actions… I’m so terrified that I got this app just to look for feedback about this particular comedown, I’ve had friends that have used but they all tell me that they’re comedowns are just sleeping and tiredness… I literally have only continued smoking this far, to avoid the anxiety that im going to die. I don’t know how long it lasts, or if it gets worse, or maybe I was going to die? Ugh… all I can feel is my heartbeat like small punches. Tomorrow… I just have to deal with it, I can’t smoke forever…
Hope you are ok. Have you thought about getting help.
My doc was alcohol but I can remember the nights when I’d say to myself “right tomorrow, I’ll stop” and meant it. But this was said whilst I was comfortable within my alcoholic bubble. Next day, when I didn’t have any, and the thought of never having any always drove me to a shop to buy some.
It was hard to actually stop myself.
Anyway, I did, with the help of this app.
You have the strength inside you to do it as well. Just don’t listen to the voice and ride out the pain.
Hydrate and eat well. And listen to your body.
If you need to sleep, sleep.
And come on here, read everything search anything you want there is a few years worth of people’s experiences on here. Guaranteed, someone has the answer for you.
At the least, reading will help keep your mind off the cravings.
She has this thread categorized under methamphetamine so I am assuming she is smoking that?
@Trisha welcome to Talking Sober - am I right that you’ve been smoking meth? If yes it is highly addictive and you’re right that you don’t get a special exception: addiction is one of the few things in life that accepts everyone equally.
As Geoff said above there is a tag for just about everything here and you should be able to find some resources by searching; try using the methamphetamine tag under the Advanced Search in the magnifying glass and you will find threads in that category.
I don’t know much about meth myself but I do know it is highly addictive and you need support to recover. Fortunately there are many fellowships you can turn to for help and if you commit to making it work, you can recover.
There are Crystal Meth Anonymous meetings online, that is probably a good place to start:
There are other recovery fellowships & traditions as well, have a look around here and see what you can find if you’re interested: Resources for our recovery
Most important, never give up. You are a good person who deserves a safe, sober life where she can be her full self. If you want to live healthy you can do it - meth is probably not the best way to lose weight if that’s your goal ; but in any case to be honest, there’s a lot of pressure on women especially to look and behave a certain way, and most of it is bullshit: you will have a happier, better life if you try to find out who you are and just be true to yourself - the important thing is live a healthy, balanced life with people who understand you and make you feel good about yourself, in all your perfect imperfection.
Take care love and never give up. Keep checking in here. You will find what you need.
My pleasure. Don’t give in to any BS, about what you should look like or who you should be. What you need to be is healthy. That’s all. Anything you do for that, as long as it’s safe and legal, is ok.
Never give up Trisha. Build your community, reach out and find support, and never give up on being your healthy self.
Made it to my 7th day, I did try to find a little bit just to get me through family functions, but then backpedaled and said nvm just keep my money and don’t give me anything
I’ve read your post/story and the replies and support from the other folks. I’d like to share a little of my story.
I’m a 50 year old male in Dallas.
Used “crank” in HS it was awful tasting; I didn’t smoke it back then we snorted it…the burn was so bad and drainage was even worse…but boy howdy after getting past that…it was GAME ON! especially when you know the person that knows the cook…
FF from 1998 to 2003 not using between those years…married w/1 son. Traveling alone for work.
“Ice” reared its ugly head. Again…
I knew the “right connect” that knew the cook. Breaking Bad b4 it was even thought about…seriously!
So grateful I didn’t get caught(yet) emphasis on YET!
using a lot every time my coworker and I went on the road.
But still using daily as well (lying and hiding it) the best I could.
Until I was up for days and nights on end. THEN…I found out that smoking it was so much better and faster; lasted longer. The rush of watching it melt. Gave me goosebumps!.
2006 divorced…yep all because of my drug and alcohol use.
It got to where I was using oxygen, coke, pot, ice, alcohol, and sometimes bars. Needless to say I was real hot mess…
Oh yeah…1st dwi in 1997
2nd dwi in 2007 scram alcohol monitor on my leg for 3 yrs. $360/month = 14k on top of probation, TX dept of public safety surcharges. And child support to boot!
Guess what Trisha? It got worse than I could EVER IMAGINE!
There were trips to rehab/counseling (thank God I kept my job) that shit cost $$$ too.
Still used in spite of everything.
FF 2011…9 yrs to the day 8/5/2011 I pick up 1/4 oz with my
now 10 yr old son with me. I tried using in the restroom while he was right outside the stall…yep that shit will make you do things you told yourself you’d never do or I’ll never get that bad…yeah right. We’re almost to the end…lol
I promise. I managed to get he and I to his mom’s and step-dad home. Side note: step-dad used to be my friend and party buddy and neighbor. No shit!
Once there some woman had been following me as I was driving like a bat outta hell.
Step-dad and me got into a fight .
I’m really drunk, high on dope and been up for 3-4 days on top of that. Really long story …short.
Sheriff dept shows up guns drawn on me. I get arrested of course. Felony poss of controlled substance, 1/4 oz of meth, 1/2 oz weed, and burglary w/intent to assault bcuz i chased him into their home. Plus I had bottle of vodka in my VW GTI. REPO Oof course.
I got 5 months in jail and 3 more yrs probation and all the shit you gotta do while on paper.
So…there it is
I hope you find the help you need and deserve. I see you do have clean time under you. One day at a time. Stay strong. Go to meetings or counseling too. Beware of triggers. And change your ppl, places and things.
Be well Trisha and God bless!
to add to StellaLuna
While you are in treatment or recovery.
Your addiction is out there doing push ups…just waiting for you to slip. Its cunning, baffling, and powerful. Heck I’m just 8 days sober from alcohol on top of that novel I wrote…geezlueez…
Sorry it was sooooolooonnng
Lol.
; but in any case to be honest, there’s a lot of pressure on women especially to look and behave a certain way, and most of it is bullshit: you will have a happier, better life if you try to find out who you are and just be true to yourself - the important thing is live a healthy, balanced life with people who understand you and make you feel good about yourself, in all your perfect imperfection.
