I’m on day 10, and while this isn’t the longest I’ve gone, it is a very different journey than the others. Others where breaks or endurance runs.
I’m posting because I’m struggling with these feelings of failure, lack of enjoyment, and brain fog. I’m a university student and I’ve noticed that my quizzes and exam scores have drastically dropped in this time frame and I’m having trouble focusing or gaining momentum on classes. Work as well, although thankfully that is more mindless.
I guess I’m really here to talk to people who have been here before, felt this maybe. No one in my life is actively supporting me or someone I can emotionally lean on. My whole journey has been a very private affair in the past from the bottom to my previous attempts to get better.
I’ve been trying to treat myself kindly, and fill my days with tasks but quickly find that I lose interest or blank out and not really be engaged.
Is this a part of the early game and it will pass or is there something I can do to alleviate these symptoms?
It sounds like school is really important to you, but you’re finding it difficult because of the feelings, thought, emotions that are coming up for you regarding your addictive behaviours.
When I feel overwhelmed I use mindfulness to balance out my bodies reactions to certain events. It took me a long time to get decent at it and have myself feel it working.
Remember that school and what you’re going through are two separate things, and if you can, keep those feelings separate. Remember that you can pretend to put those difficult emotions in a “pretend box” and save them for when you have the time to worry about them.
Hopefully allowing you to remain focused on your studies. Perhaps study groups to distract you in those moments of need.
I don’t have a perfect answer but what you’re going through is natural and common. What have you done for your recovery so far?
I’ve tried to make room for myself to just exist. I know mindfulness from extensive dieting, but I’m not really sure how to apply that ideal to this sheding of my addiction. Now that I’m thinking about it, I haven’t really done anything more than making room for myself to breakdown and promising a book at the end of the week as a treat and distraction.
I know I enjoy being alone, but I think I may forgotten how to be alone and sober, if that makes sense? This isn’t good as I usually find myself alone at home at the computer desk reading.
Addictions are not coincidences. What did alcohol do for you? What are you missing?
We all fail, most several times. That’s what an addiction is.
I’d highly suggest looking up Gabor Mate. He’s a Canadian physician that works with addicts. It really spoke to me. I also was medicating some mental health issues without realizing it. With a high IQ comes false confidence sometimes 
I believe the 12 steps more or less get at a similar concept. Any method that explores the deeper roots of the addiction seems promising.