I just wanted to start a topic here to ask about emotions. Often lately, when things are going nicely, I feel this whole bloom in my chest. It’s literally like my heart grows and feels warms and alive and huge. It can cause a smile to grow and I just place my hand on my heart and enjoy the communication between head and heart.
Also, I feel the ball in my stomach of guilt, shame and anxiety. The tricky night deamons visit and niggle away.
I mean, before, I would be BO so nothing was getting me thinking. I love the love feelings, it’s really joyous and is so pure and true. I feel like it’s like some special little phenomena that your body can produce when all the bones are aligned and the blood sweet and honest.
How did you find your emotions changed?
Did it differ across your sobriety? Like from 3 months, then onto other milestones?
Genuinely interested in the emotional side. I’m really getting a lot of feelings and I’m a bit overwhelmed what to do with some of them.
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This is such a neat topic. My emotions in general fluctuate pretty often bcuz of my mental health (having Borderline Personality Disorder… which basically makes me a very sensitive person with intense emotion). But since I am on my meds since being clean and my moods are more balanced, I can say that it has taken alot of time to even try to figure out what I am even feeling haha. This chart has helped me:
In early recovery (like the 1st month especially), it was a roller coaster ride lol highs and lows and everything in btwn. Having alittle over 5 months now, my mood is much more stable but I am quite emotional. I cry over commercials
and sappy moments. Is it normal? I have no clue lol but it’s better than being completely numb lol
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Ok it’s half eleven here so I’m in bed but I’m bookmarking your wheel for tomorrow, it looks super interesting! Be back!
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Ok, I am definitely feeling sadness and fear a lot from this. It’s stemming from my familial estrangement. Dreams, vivid dreams, hurtful and leaving me sad and guilty and shameful. Moments my empathy makes me hypothetically compassionate towards my abuser and how they might feel. Are they sad? Did I hurt them? Yes I did, I must have. Aeons of conditioning is taunting me.
Then the other side of the wheel I’m feeling huge love and joy and these blooms in my chest of warmth and feeling that goes beyond the mechanics of physiology. I feel the love physically.
I can deal with all this, but I think I’m feeling all this stuff at once and wondering whether it goes away, or if after 365 nights of dreaming my body and brain will resolve things? I need therapy for sure, but I’m afraid to speak. I have to be honest and say I don’t want to talk about it. If I open that trapdoor what the fuck will happen?
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Definitly sounds like a mix of emotions are happening for u right now. Therapy like u said is a good option, especially around certain topics. Ultimately the only way to heal from trauma is to go thru it. If we don’t go thru our trauma, it will sit there and at times get bigger. Trauma can also be a cause of relapse just bcuz of the emotions we feel.
Honestly… in my experience, opening up that door to trauma can be hard but when we are given the chance to talk about it in a safe environment, it really is such a sense of relief. The therapistqipp will never just open that door and leave it open after ur session. After every session, they are trained to ensure that u have the skills to cope and they actually (at least from my experience) help with bringing everything back together so that when u leave the room, u aren’t at risk of anything unhealthy to cope. My therapist for domestic violence was wonderful for me I am no longer haunted by what happened. I do still think about it and sometimes certain things will catch me off guard and remind me of my past with my ex, but it longer has that control over me anymore. I’m sorry that u also had an abuser also 
and if what happened is really haunting you, than it may he worth looking into getting some help for it. It’s either try to work thru it or live like ur living now with all the pain and emotion surrounding it. Wishing u truly all the best 
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