Short check in after my therapy session.
I told my new therapist that on Wednesday I’ll reach 30 days caffeine free and she said: ah, so you continue. I said that I’ll treat this like alcohol now.
Work was a little bit too much for me. When I started at 6 am, I was super focused and relaxed until, well, until others arrived. I couldn’t concentrate on one task as others were piling up and too many people to answer questions or talk to. It was too fractured today for me. And I guess that’s what I am feeling now, some slight headache and a tight jaw. My body is sending me the signal, I can no longer drown in black water.
Off to a pilates course and then home, dinner, bed.
I think there’s a difference between someone doing a legit taper to quit vs someone just trying to “cut back”. The goal is different. There are many people with other addictions who have done tapers of some kind, usually with a professional because self tapering can be so hard or even impossible depending on the drug, the person, the situation, etc.
One of the things that I think can make caffeine tapers difficult is that it is everywhere and we are often actively encouraged to take it, or even seen as ‘strange’ for choosing not to take caffeine. We see this with alcohol, but I think its even more ubiquitous with caffeine. So there really isn’t much “help” when it comes to tapering from caffeine.
All that is to say that I think there is a place for sharing your struggles with your taper here, if needed.
Thanks. Today is trying my patience and I am still caffeinated, this might be a tough week for me. I advocated for myself today though and told my co-worker I needed to step away for my break and I’ll continue to do that. Last pot of caffeine will finish tomorrow.
Day 29. Still in bed. Failed at falling asleep at 2am again.
Edit now after a long day at work. Cannot make it to the cinema, I am too tired, my eyes are too dry and for 2-3 days I have this strange kind of headache which is annoying and I don’t know where this is coming from. It’s not heavy but mild over the whole of my forehead.
Day at work was interesting. We had our staff meeting and were able to let people vote for our new SharePoint. They liked it having a vote in this. And it was fun for my colleague and me. Then a long meeting with the works council 2.5 h but I remained present and didn’t get too angry because of the lengthy, repetitive discussions. As it’s f2f it’s difficult to play some game on my phone.
Been to the hairdresser’s and have my summer/all year around cut and am happy with this. Tomorrow I’ll work from home so I think I can get some more focus and social downtime. I like it but it’s getting too much at times.
Last day full caffeine day. I had vivid scary dreams about abductions and I never remember my dreams. I will drink just over 32 oz of strong black coffee today and if this were any other day I would have made a second pot. First cup I had in quiet contemplation, second and third were gulped greedily. I get it psyche, you feel like you are losing something.
I have Tylenol mostly for my knee because I am on a heavy walking bench and my knee is still achy but it will help with caffeine related headaches too. I also have a quart of black mint iced tea I’ll bring to work so I can sip something if I miss the coffee I usually bring to work with me and sip up until bedtime. Yeesh. I wonder how much more water I’ll be able to fit in this body when it isn’t full of black coffee?
Tomorrow is a day off and my coffee will be decaf.
I made it. Remember that I wanted to check if my caffeine intake has something to do with my sleep. I don’t think so. But it affected me during the day a lot more so I won’t go back or keep on doing this thing. One day at a time.
I slept 5.5h woke up just like that after 2 am and didn’t even needed to pee but couldn’t fall back asleep
You know, I’ve muted the coffee lovers thread but scrolled through it andi was wonderinghow such an obsessive sharing of cigars (only for the connoisseur) would be perceived here. Idk. I keep it muted. Better for me. Feeling like not being okay with having a problem with this. Like the annoying former cigarette smoker. I never smoked.
Edit, afternoon check in before yoga.
Work is very stressful at the moment. A colleague in France didn’t show up since Monday without a sick leave notification and they are trying to find out what happened as she was in contact with another colleague on Monday shortly that she wouldn’t work on Monday but didn’t say this to HR. My boss later wrote, alarm, another french colleague will leave earlier in her pregnancy and I should replace her until end of the year. Although I kind of like my work atm, I feel like it’s getting too much and I can feel a level of tension. In addition to this my legs hurt from last days workouts and I know the yoga teacher loves standing poses and then running around correcting people so that you just rot there standing. I am looking forward to a long weekend
Day one. I slept poorly and had violent dreams again but I thought I would wake up raging. I didn’t. No headache yet but I will be drinking two (at least) cups of caffeinated instant coffee today as part of my step down. Cup one is going in now and feels meh.
Yesterday I deliberately didn’t pack lunch so I would have to go down to the cafeteria where I gave myself permission to buy a sneaky coffee if needed. I chose iced tea instead. Even though nobody would know, of course I would have told you all, I would know and I stood strong. This is definitely a pink feeling cloud but I am happy to know that I’m doing this.
It probably very much helps that today is a day off and my only plans are after dinner. I’m letting my body lead this one.
@Puzzled congratulations on your 30 days! You’re doing great.
I’m sure food addicts feel that way about the food threads here, though honestly given that caffeine is a literal drug, one would think it would be less acceptable. I’m just happy they have their own thread now instead of posting copiously in the meme thread. I decided to nope out for quite some time when certain people were streight up posting their morning coffee in the meme thread. Not a meme, just their coffee. This was after a few of us has asked for this to be toned down.
I think it just shows that even among other addicts, caffeine addiction isnt taken seriously, despite the fact that there are even recent instances of people dying or being hospitalized because of caffeine.
But I think you’re making the right choice. You can’t control what others post but you can control what you see.
@TrustyBird good job not getting that coffee. One day at a time. You’ve got this.
I am still somehow surprised and shocked how I was not able to go through this withdrawal period while I was suffering from hangovers many many years day in and day out.
I honestly feel better already with just a reduction so I’m ready to be on the other side of withdrawals. Sleep was weird, my head feels floaty but I am doing this. Now it’s time for 8 hours of work without me yelling at anybody. I can do that.
I am a food addict. I don’t have a problem with the food thread. We all need food, and for food addicts, recovery is about moderation and avoiding trigger foods, because obviously we just can’t stop eating entirely.
The food thread is an example for me how food works for people without eating disorders or food addiction. With the coffee thread I feel the same.
I used the food threads as an example since we now need to put a trigger warning on all the food threads. I think the point we are making about the coffee thread is that caffeine is a drug. No one puts trigger warnings on threads for caffeine. This isnt really a discussion about the food thread itself.
Would it be alright for me to start a wine appreciation thread here? Afterall, I personally can drink alcohol and have no problems stopping. But if you give me caffeine, I will spiral and I used to regularly consume ~1500mg in a day. For reference, 450mg is supposed to be the ceiling for what is “safe”. It trashed my health, cost a ton of money, and led to me popping Adderall and Ritalin because caffeine just wasn’t enough. That wasn’t even my DOC.
