And I love to see you all succeed! It’s so freeing to let go of substances that mess with us.
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Check in, it might get long. My first headache hit me 3/4 of the way through my work day yesterday. Rather than restart my caffeine or Tylenol I just let it hurt a little. For someone who loved pouring poison into my body I don’t love taking over the counter meds, these are probably related in my head, which is probably smart.
I came home to eat healthy snacks and drink water and went to bed early. I woke up at 6 am to my brain’s reminder that I forgot to do something little at work. I panicked for a second, texted one of my bosses and went right back to sleep.
Today I’m drinking the last of my instant caffeinated coffee so I only have espresso powder and teas left. This is a half work day for me so I’ll be able to come home and putter and tend to my knee, probably pretty caffeine free. I am heading into a potentially very stressful work weekend so I will lean on my espresso powder stirred into decaf if I need to. Next week I should be caffeinated coffee free.
I have a vacation coming up in June that I am already “what if’ing” about but that bridge will be there when I need to cross it.
Yesterday I had a tablespoon of instant coffee as my only caffeine. That’s down from 2 pots. My jaw is unclenching. 
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I can understand. And what a crazy thought. 
Putting all the hard work into it now, calculating, being on the edge of maybe feeling unwell which you’d throw away for what? You’ll only have to go through it once. I’ve suffered far too often going through the withdrawals. I don’t want to go back.
I was just thinking that I even changed at work. Not only the caffeine I guess but it still plays a role in it. I used to panic over my tasks at work. There was once a specific thing I had to do which always stressed me out. I rarely understood what I had to summarise. Today a QP told me how well she understands my summaries and that she rarely has to dig deeper to get the picture. It’s true. I don’t panic over this anymore. I still don’t like it but it’s okay doing it.
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I think that is how our brains are programmed. I’m doing so great but I won’t always be… might as well stop now. Nah. We know how that goes.
Yesterday as I walked into work I saw quite a few more genuine smiles from strangers than usual. Am I just telling myself this or am I more friendly looking without that alien clenched jaw from constant stimulants? Let’s find out.
You are doing great. Keep being the best you under all the crap we’ve piled on ourselves.
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33 days no caffeine today.
That’s over a month. I cannot remember last time I did this without cheating or ramping up cocao or falling back to diet coke. These 33 days are also the timer for almost no artificial sweeteners. Which is just as remarkable for me.
I slept I guess (almost) 6 h. I have a hard time not obsess about this but it’s crucial for me. Buuuuuuut, I will try focusing on one night at a time. Staying in the mindset that better is good. When I say I slept 6 hours it’s better than 4 or five. I went to bed later, around 10 pm. And woke up at 430 am. I’ll try this scheme the next days. I am always scared that when I go to bed later it’ll be cut off from my sleeping time.
I’ll ride to my women’s meeting today where there is only bad black coffee with cream. I’ve never liked that. But drank it anyway. I couldn’t drink the coffee black and I hate cream. It comes in these little tiny plastic containers. I’ll get some water for the meeting. Water will do. 
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Day 34 for me.
I told my story about caffeine yesterday in my meeting and looked into unbelieving eyes who somehow didn’t share my excitement. I felt a bit strange. Maybe because I was too excited. Idk.
When I wanted to take the train back I found out that there was a bus replacement for my train and usually there are no bikes allowed in these busses. So I had to ride another 24 km to the next train station. I f***** some time because I was already a bit tired after the 115 km coming to the meeting. But I was lucky and got there and the next train left 10 min later.
I slept again almost 6 h. I went to bed after 10 pm. So, I guess this approach is working 2 days in a row. Because when you ask me what is really bothering with my sleep is not not hitting this 7-9h window bit the fact that my day usually begins at 2-3 am. If I could get to say 4-5 am this would be great.
I am grateful I am thinking about these things now with a more open mind.
I forgot, next weekend will be my first real stress test uncaffeinated. I wasn’t in contact with my mother for a long time and haven’t seen her in over a year. I couldn’t handle her. I couldn’t distance myself from her. I couldn’t not wanting her to change. 2 months ago I suggested her meeting in Munich for a weekend. I don’t really know why and I was tiptoeing around this for months and my inner voice always said: no. Not ready. At the moment I am quite calm thinking about it. I’ll see.
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I hear what you mean @Puzzled when you mention people staring at you unbelieving. I’ve told a few co-workers I’m giving up caffeine and they change the subject or tell me I should just have a cup or two in the morning. Ah, normies.
I’m tired tonight and honestly feel a little flu-ish. I have some body aches and yawn a lot lately. I probably had the equivalent of two cups of caffeinated coffee (decaf plus espresso powder) and will try to only use the espresso powder to get me through this stressful weekend. If I make the wrong decision in my next two shifts a patient could get hurt. I can’t do that or have that pressure. I’ll keep easing myself out of the addiction but I won’t be buying more decaf (or caffeinated coffee -wahoo!) I don’t really like the taste. I’m anxious to start my caffeine free timer because I will save a significant amount of money without my pricey bean habit.
I wake up better with my step down levels of caffeine. My jaw has unclenched and I no longer wake up anxious. I am tired and a bit sore but not as grumpy as I expected myself to be. This is the right path for me.
Again apologies if my step down talk is unwelcome, I can leave that out but it does seem to be working for me and I can see myself caffeine free in the near future. Onward. 2 more high stress days for me until I get a breather.
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I am now inclined to tell them: okay, it doesn’t affect you in some way? How do you know? Have you quit longer than let’s say a week? I guess the overwhelming majority does not.
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Day 35 sober. Sober. I’ll just stick to this number atm.
Slept again over 6h. Comment from the watch was again: very regenerative but a bit short. Yeah, well, fuck it.
I got tagged in the coffee thread which annoyed me a lot tbh because: whyyyyy. I’ve never been active there.
I’ve been afraid that I’d loose energy when I quit caffeine but I cannot say that this is true. Of course I am not a professional athlete and I would never feel some percentages less or more.
From my early morning ride.
I love this street 
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