24 days until I hit 6 months. This is the longest I have been sober in more years than I can count. It only took my 2nd DUI to get me here and four glorious days at a retreat we all call the county jail. This time getting sober was easy I knew what was at stake and what I needed to do to fix this. Thousands of dollars later here I sit typing a message that to be quite honest I am struggling to find words for. In the last couple days I have found myself plotting and fantasizing my next screw up. How ridiculous does that sound? What is it about major milestones that makes you want to celebrate that sobriety by having a drink? What is it about the alcoholic mind that makes you think you are destined to fail one way or another? In the past 5 months I have quite literally drug myself through the fire kicking and screaming trying to lift myself out of a hole that I created for myself. When I hit rock bottom I brought a pick axe to see how much farther I could push it. I pushed it as far as possible and putting my career and family at stake. So why is it that I even think about alcohol? I am sure we can all relate to the anxiety of feeling like we are out of control and that some how that bottle is going to walk its way from the store jump into our mouth and cause a reset that sends us spiraling. We all know that is not possible and that we are very much in control of what goes into our bodies I guess I can’t speak for everyone but I know my days of drinking did not consist of someone holding a gun to my head telling me to drink or else. No, I made that decision on my own. I’m not really sure where I am going with this post or what exactly my point in typing novel is but I guess I thought maybe getting some thoughts out there in the open might ease the stress I am feeling. Most days I am okay I don’t desire the drink because I have no idea what comes next. I do know where it landed me the last time I picked it up. I just hope that gives me the motivation I need to continue this journey because my life sure as hell has become a lot better and more manageable since I gave it up. Thank you for reading.
Thanks for sharing. Like we choose to be drunk before, now we choose to be sober. And we know why. Keep going. Congrats on your sober days.
Great share my friend!
Yes I would agree getting your thoughts down definitely helps. Even if it is literally just admitting to yourself that you are aware of what is happening. Giving yourself some power over the demon.
Well done, stick around, post some more.
Well done on getting where you have. 6 months is some good work.
Yes, milstones are tricky 
Being here helps! So thank you for sharing and keep going. Maybe checking in every day for a while might help?
Thank you for sharing. I have to agree with @SoberWalker on checking in daily. I find it to be a great tool, when thoughts of using become front and center in my mind. Here’s the link.
Checking in daily to maintain focus #8
One day at a time. Counting the day you have to go to 6 months seems like too big a chunk of time to put on yourself. We are taught to work in 24 hour chunks…less if that’s what it takes.
Amen to that! Imagine what your life will be after a whole year! I imagine it gets better and better. Sobriety hasnt been all rainbows and butterflies for me as they say… but a year of sobriety is unknown territory for me and I just want to see what is there! Kind of like an experiment.