Hi! So this is my story.
I have been using since i was 19… im 39 now. I always have tried to quit as well… i ran across canada to try to hide from it but it seems to find me where ever i go!!!
Im now exausted , i bearly have the strainght to fight for sobriety anymore… but i just stop and rest and get back up and never give up on giving up that shit that just consume my presious time here on earth.
You can rest but don you quit… see you at the next rest stop
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Today is day one for the tousandth time… …actualy the day i should have said no, i was 19. At the bar, drinking my hearthache, and that guy with long greasy waved hair 2 chair from me came closer and asked me if i ever done that before. I said NO AND LEAVE ME ALONE WITH YOUR SHTUFF!! Then i drand one more beer, and one more , and i felt so in pain and in raged that the man i love dumped me in the middle on moving together… that i turned around and ask if his offer was still available…
That day run over and over and over in my head. I manage to quit for 5 years… but he dumped me so i felt alone and lazy… and now im alone… and hopless
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Unfortunately we cannot change the past. It’s gone. It has built us as we are today, though. I can understand you regret it. I think this won’t help you out of this cycle. It is your chance to change today. Staying off your doc today, just for today. If today is too long, try staying sober the next 1 hour.
Read around here, participate and you’ll find lots of support here. Try a meeting, online or in presence.
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Welcome to the forum. I’ve had what has felt like a million day ones with everything I used. At this point my last “little” things im trying to quit for good is caffeine and maybe sugar.
I never sought out help. That would have required more trust than I felt comfortable giving. I literally would have rather died than ask for outside help. Maybe I would have succeeded faster if I had. Maybe I wouldn’t have as many health problems now and I wouldnt have lost as much time.
Just a thought for you. I’m not sure what resources you have looked into and/or tried, but there may be something that works for you. Its not 100% impossible to do it on your own, but it is probably infinitely harder.
I wish you the best and hope this community can be a useful tool in your sobriety toolbox.
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I try to often remind myself that no matter where I go, I’m still right there and my history with all my shitty choices too. I accept that fact.
Today’s choice is to not drink or use because I know the fucking gerbil wheel is the same ol wheel waiting for me. Different city…same ol wheel again. Enabling partners, wheel. Family struggles and hard time, might as well go back to the wheel. Screw that thinking, it leads to jail and or dead.
I remind myself daily through this place, applying the steps during my day and helping others who are trying to do life differently, like all of us who are tired of the wheel. Hugs and stick around please.
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