I’ve come to realise it’s easy to forget the reasons you gave up alcohol when you feel weak and hard done by and want to cave in - that’s the addict in you trying to creep back in.
I’ve started reading a book called ‘drinking - a loce story’ by a brilliant writer called Caroline Knapp. I recommend this book to anyone; not just those who have an addiction or unhealthy relationship with Alcohol but to anyone who drinks it full stop.
it makes you realise how easily we try to justify our own behaviour because we don’t fit the stereotype of an ‘alcoholic’, how we look at drunk homeless people and convince ourselves we aren’t addicts because we don’t look or act like that. but we can be alcoholics in our own home… the way she writes about the panic that sets in when the alcohol levels in the house are low is something I can totally relate to. how we start making plans to fit alcohol around our lives. how we can see it is not doing us any good but we refuse to find the strength to see reality, much like a bad relationship that everyone else can see is failing. so it is very much like a turbulent relationship. it consumes you…
I’m 15 days sober today and didn’t think I’d make it this far to begin with because forever sounded too long… I even tried telling myself that maybe one day me and alcohol will be ok together but we won’t. it will NEVER change. I will always want more as nothing is ever enough and the cycle will start again.
it is hard but also exhilarating to feel emotions I’ve masked for years. to feel a sense of superiority towards those who do drink. to know my head is clear, I’m thinking straight and don’t have alcohol to lean on anymore. if I’m stressed or sad or angry I just have to feel. and feeling isn’t that bad at all. it makes me feel far more human.
here to offer anyone else support in their journey. mines just getting started…
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Hey first of all i would like to say congratulations! …ive made it to 20 days before i screwed…i dont even know why i decided one beer would be enough nd would be okay…the sad reality of it is one will or never could or can be enough…i to though maybe one day alcohol and i could get a long but now i realize its just not possible…anyways im starting over again so if you feel the need wish me luck
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@valleybabe3
So, true. I think a lot of it is the condition and parameters you accept alcohol into your life. The realization that in many cases alcohol is pressed on you socially, culturally and by peer-pressure.
Another great read for me was “Naked Mind, how to control alcohol” by Annie Grace.
I’m able to rationalize alcohol. I know the tricks it can play on my mind. I heard the spell alcohol could cast on you, but I never believed it, until it happened to me. Thank God, I found the power to turn my back on it. The mistake I think all of us made with alcohol usage, was we were using it to cover-up some event dramatic event we never wanted to face. The downward spiral began, we just kept drinking more and more to cover up everything that happened after that.
I refuse to believe alcohol has some invisible power over me. I’m the master of my life! I could drink, but it no longer has an alluring effect to me. I no longer call for it, and it no longer calls me.
I’m happy where I’m at on my journey. Best of luck to anyone that struggles. Find that peace and solace in your life.
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I also read that book and found it amazingly truthful and inspiring!!
Loved that book! I also loved The Sober Revolution: Calling Time on Wine O Clock, have you read it? Congrats on 15 days!
@valleybabe3 , thx for your share and tip for the book! I can relate to your story and what’s in the book… so nice to know that we are not alone and can help each other going to this process of battling the disease! Have a great sober day☀️🌹
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