While in active use, boozing totally encapsulated me. After somewhat reconnecting with my family, I sent a loved one a picture of me and my partner, and they said I looked intoxicated and/or high in the picture. I shrugged it off as a joke, and called the family member to reassure them that I was in fact “sober as a duck”. They did not take my word for it, and have withdrawn away from me. Not wanting to talk/text as much. I’m indifferent to it because I have never been much of a social person. My ego is more affected because unfortunately there is a side of me that still feels arrogant about my recovery. I have never lied to myself and thought I was trying to stay in recovery for someone or something else, but it was nice to be somewhat celebrated for putting some time together. I refuse to beg anyone to talk to me. There is a whole community of people I have been introduced to thanks to recovery, no community is perfect, but I don’t have to explain myself as much here or in “the rooms”. I understand it takes time to rebuild trust, but the truth is, I only opened the door back up socially to make amends, I never wanted to re-establish a long-term speaking relationship with anyone because in truth, those relationships ended many drunk escapades ago because of me. I refuse to play the victim role, I did all I can do with those I could safely reach, I hope this helps someone.
