Well you know me. I’m not drinking today and I’m probably not drinking tomorrow. Which I leaned on heavily around the 8-10th month mark. @LeeHawk
My problem 8-10 months in was I kept romanticizing
About when I will drink again. Our trip to Europe surely that’s a good reason. Or after the election. Win or loose. That would be a great reason. If my side won the election I had a nice bottle of expensive wine all picked out. These thoughts drove me insane for a few months at that point. But I did know I wasn’t drinking today. And I probably wasn’t drinking tomorrow. I almost started a topic here but chicken out.
One last little story. On Sunday I like to listen to my Christian rock and pop, whatever, music. I did my 3 1/2 mile trail and thought surely I won’t romanticize drinking with my good Ol Christian faithful music on. I got 3 miles in on my walk after tormenting myself with thoughts of when my next drink is. I was so upset. I mean I was listening to my worship music. I should not be thinking about drinking in the future. On a beautiful Sunday morning no less It was horrible. Some how a light went off with about a half mile left. Change your fucking music. See what happens. I did change my music and the last half mile i instantly walked in bliss without a thought of future drinking.
So I guess what I do now is Change things up all the time when those thoughts are in my head. Listen to different music. Walk the opposite way on my power walk. Luckily or because I’m over a year now those thoughts or romanticizing my first bottle of red haven’t been happening. It gets better.
I hope this helps a little.
I’ve seen your saying around and have used it in my head before. I like it. The idea of never again and maybe a drink one day has long been in my thinking since the very beginning. I’m just not sure how to change my thinking. I just wish it could be like cigs. Dec will be 3 yrs from cigs and I very rarely crave a cig and that’s with living with a smoker and those craving are a small fleeting thought. This seems to be plaguing me down and invading my everyday thinking.
I couldn’t change my thinking back then either. I mean I told you what worked for me. But those thoughts kept coming back. Roaring back. I guess I just had to get through it. It hardly happens now.
You getting close to 9 months? Can’t remember. Sorry. Big milestone malady there too.
That was one of my worset next to day 300. I totally believe in milestone maladies. On my 300th I was so prepared and I wasn’t going to let the big milestone fuck me up in the head. It didn’t matter. It still fucked me over.
Just keep checking in look at memes. Post more food. Whatever threads you like on here. Reach out to someone. We’re here for ya.
I’ll keep doing all that but right now I think I’m just going to sleep. I’ve been doing a lot of that in the evening also. Just going to bed super early
Sending you strength to keep putting it off Odaat. Sorry you are struggling. It must be hard for you having to not run for an amount of time. But great for you for all you are able to do!
Schedule in Not Drinking… One day at a time. Get back to your beginning basics and hang around here. Going to bed early is good, too.
I’m glad you posted and talked about it.
Thank you I have been working running back in slowly (literally ran 2 miles last week) I ordered a new pair of shoes and have been working on my quad strength. There is still some pain in my knee cap but it has lessened so I’ll just keep taking that as my body can. I didn’t take up running until I quit drinking. I mean like truly planning runs and working on speed and all that so I’m not sure why it is dragging me down when it wasn’t even a huge habit a year ago. I’ve worked out for a while now but I did that when I was drinking so maybe the running is like a link to being sober in my mind which sounds silly as I write it. These are also fresh no coffee thoughts lol
It’s going. I got the new shoes over the weekend and tried them out yesterday. They seem better than the other ones. I only did a mile running and then a half walking. My knee wasn’t hurting during the run but it’s sore today. I have my 6 month check up with my doctor next month and am planning on asking her to send an order for Pt since the pt lady thinks she can help.
I’m glad you are doing well. I’m sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed. I can relate to not wanting to do things. I also have been feeling in a rut. Hopefully the projects at work will wrap up soon and you will have less on your plate. Have a wonderful day @Matt
Feeling pretty shitty today as I let anxiety and stress win. I feel terrible. Called into work and laying in bed moping and taking care of this hangover. I still have the same anxious feeling. Feeling like a failure. My irl friend is making me post for accountability. I didn’t want to come back
Day 1
Aww Jenn, I’m sorry. Glad you didn’t go down the rabbit hole and you’re here being accountable. Take care of yourself today and come back stronger tomorrow. Remember, it’s only a blip in a life long journey.
I imagine it’s time for a share. The past month or so I have just felt on unsteady ground in different life aspects. I see it in my posts. Yesterday at work I felt like I was having a panic attack all day. Work wasn’t terrible or more stressful than normal. I just think I might be at the end of my rope there. I’m trying not to be because it has so many plus sides to it but I think it’s some of the people. 2 of my friends who I work with agree it is a such a toxic work environment and it boils down to the plus side. Wfh, overtime galore right now and of course the pay. Since I’m still with my company I can’t even make close to what I am in our new place (I’ve looked). But I don’t think work is the cause of the anxiety and panic. My husband took some time off work and me also. He had more so he has been off for a week already. Wednesday he left on his solo trip (he is comparing it to my hiking trip). In my opinion he is being vague with what he is doing but my main concern is the amount of times he has talked about suicide and keeps referring to the small road trip as his last “Who rah” (spelling?) I didn’t find out until this morning but he went bar hopping (he isn’t an alcoholic like me. He is a one and done. I said one and drank a fifth) and he said he meet a young man that is just walking around trying to “figure out life”. Like literally this kid is just hitch hiking and living life.
I know the anxiety is from the thoughts of him killing himself. Never knowing when I’ll get a call like I got with my mom or if I’ll come home or wake up to him dead. He was talking about how depressed he is this morning and how he doesn’t know how much longer he will be here. He doesn’t want to really even talk because he says he just “puts his darkness” onto that person. I can feel his pain but he won’t listen and just come home. He stayed another night (idk why because he isn’t ready to come home I guess) He thinks he is broken because he was been depressed his whole life. I’m trying to get him into actual therapy instead of just medication management but he won’t even stop making side comments about suicide. And on the selfish side of all of this it hurts- our life isn’t good enough. Im not good enough. He just wants life to stop and all I’ve ever wanted is to spend it with him and now I’m trying to be sober so we can have a good life and I’ll remember it and he doesn’t want life at all. I still feel the same anxious feeling as yesterday so all I did was throw 9 months and a week away (I know not really but kinda) I feel stupid for not riding the emotional wave I’m on right now. The whiskey didn’t even taste that great but at the same time it did. I don’t even remember hitting the halfway mark on the bottle but there was only a bit left this morning. I threw it out but I’m still left with shame, sadness, anxiety
That’s a really tough situation Jen. I know my partner’s mental health has a huge impact on me and my mental health to where I just wanna get away from him until it subsides and hope I don’t find him dead. Thankfully, my hubby’s depression/suicidal ideations are sporadic. Now that I think about it, he hasn’t mentioned suicide since he’s been clean and sober the past few months.
I don’t have any great advice but I did want you to know that I hear you and I feel you. Counseling sounds like a great plan but too bad he’s not willing to put a lot of effort in.
Big big big big big hugs for you. I don’t even want to talk about the fact that you drank. I know you need to stay sober so that you can deal with what’s going on and I think you know that too.
We can only talk about our own experiences. A number of years ago I had a friend whose brother kept talking about killing himself. He was in Hawaii. I called suicide hotline’s and a lot of other places to see what I could do as somebody who didn’t even know him. I finally talk to MHMR, they have a different name now I don’t know what it is. They said that they would get him help. In Hawaii.
I don’t know what type of intervention they would do. They were very very nice on the phone. I got all the information, I gave it to my friend. She decided she didn’t want to get involved and she never Followed up on it And she never gave it to her mother or her other brother. The Hawaii brother had been calling them every day for months saying he wanted to kill himself. It’s too bad she didn’t, maybe something would have been some help. He did kill himself.
This is so much for you to have to deal with. I love how you say that all you ever wanted to do was to be with him. He needs help. They say when people talk about it that they are asking for help. Because otherwise they wouldn’t talk about it. I don’t know the answer to that and I can’t be a judge of that.
I know you don’t want him taken off to a mental hospital.
I know you feel like you’re living with a ticking time bomb. I would call MHMR and see what they have to say. It could be helpful to you and hopefully for him.
Again they’re another name now but I don’t know what it is. There should be some in your state.
Maybe there is nothing you can do. Big hugs for you and lots and lots of support for you as you go through this. Continue to go through it since it’s been part of your relationship with him your whole relationship.
What a sad sad sad stressful situation for you. I’m very sorry.
surely that’s a good reason. Or after the election. Win or loose. That would be a great reason. If my side won the election I had a nice bottle of expensive wine all picked out. These thoughts drove me insane for a few months at that point. But I did know I wasn’t drinking today. And I probably wasn’t drinking tomorrow. I almost started a topic here but chicken out.
It was horrible. Some how a light went off with about a half mile left. Change your fucking music. See what happens. I did change my music and the last half mile i instantly walked in bliss without a thought of future drinking.
I’ve been doing a lot of that in the evening also. Just going to bed super early
. It’s flipping fantastic.