Mmm yes - I totally understand. It’s so frustrating when that happens at work & it feels like you’re carrying everything on your shoulders 
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Can totally understand your frustration. If I’m in that position (doing 3-4x what’s expected on the daily), I better be getting something beyond my typical pay for that. At the very least, I’d expect more from my coworkers and it seems you do.
I wouldn’t put myself under such stress for nothing in return. Know your worth.
And if you ask me, bosses should act as leaders. They should be an example. Sounds like you’re the one setting the example!
I hope your efforts are recognized soon in some way!
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Funny not so funny story. I was the team leader at one point but was demoted because the pharmacy manager said I wasn’t mature enough. It followed me saying something to who I thought was a friend. Anyways- I learned a few things that day and I think the most important was be careful who is in the inner circle.
I know plenty of my coworkers that appreciate me and honestly the stress is probably more self inflicted. It’s something I’ve been trying to work on. I feel better today. Working but today it seems easier to just stay in my lane per say.
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Checking in. Pretty good day. The cold has official arrived and I’m not prepared. I have warm clothes but I need to get some more sweat pants for my layers lol. The people I get my workout clothes are having a big sale tomorrow and I’m pretty excited for
it. Got a puzzle at Walmart and worked on that for a bit this evening. Talked to the hubs about the rec center and was explaining what was there and I wanna start spending my time there. He literally said I don’t care. 
I said- I figured maybe if you heard all the cool things they have you might want to go. Spoiler. He doesn’t. He is such an ass when he is in his head. I plan on going tomorrow after I get off work and doing some easy workout probably swimming
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Jenn…it is great that you are doing things that make you happy. Hubs needs a divine intervention or something. I hate that he won’t get help. But, when you are in that head space it can be hard to know what you need. Don’t we know that?? But…happy you are doing well. 
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A divine intervention would be nice. I’m really just trying to be in my own space because he won’t help himself but also doesn’t want to listen to anyone.
How are you doing?
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Frustrating! I’m just staring at my phone waiting for my 8 month token to appear. After soldiering through some BAD cravings I am feeling better. Finishing up day 5 of no added sugar. Exercising. Fighting the d@mn fight! But feeling OK. Thank you so much for asking.
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Yay!! 8 months!!! 
such hard and rewarding work. Good job 
Good luck on the no sugar. I like my sugar in moderation 
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Well…if only I could. SO has too much around here. My best choice, for now, is none. I want to see if it will make a difference. I was feeling blobby in my midsection. I’m not overweight, but felt too fleshy. Part of it is my age. But I’m fighting that, too. 
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Perhaps the two are related?
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That’s what I thought. So…guess there is just one more thing I can’t have. 
Or reframed as one less poison. Lots of wonderful healthy alternatives. Cut up a nice, ripe pineapple this evening. Yeah…sugar…but not the white kind.
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Doing my check in. Worked then did a short workout that my knee was not ready for so back to being easy on my body. Worked on my puzzle for a bit, dinner and now some aimless scrolling on tiktok. Pretty boring day overall but no complaints from me
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Checking in. Very busy day. Worked almost 11 hours, no lunch and just a short break somewhere in there. We had a lady call in and a heavy workload. Stressful but made it through. Then cleaned the house for a while. Dishes, laundry, floors, bathrooms. I’m happy to get an extra hour of sleep tonight since we are falling back
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Today an early check in / venting. Remember the loan from the 401k the hubs took out behind my back… it’s now coming out of his paycheck (like a couple hundred each check) He has started to bring up how broke he feels and it’s making me feel obligated to give him money… at the same time I want him to lay in his bed he made so to speak. He spends $20-30 EVERY day that he works at the gas station on gas, cigarettes, crap drinks and junk. Add to it before we moved here I paid ALL bills and when we moved here it was because he wanted to be able to pay the bills. I still pay for my jeep,cell, ccs, and even the plumbing work we financed but he pays all the house bills. We aren’t even really talking except when he wants to complain about his job and how terrible it is. They have a union and I feel like he needs to go to them but instead he vents to me. It’s the same thing every day and I don’t have a solution but the union might. Im frustrated with the him. He also showed me his self diagnosis of why he feels so disinterested in life but when I bring up going to a real doctor he just moves to a different subject or shuts down. Rant over
Edit- I wanted to add I put a lot of money in savings and have been paying our credit cards down so it’s not that I can’t help if it came down to it but I feel it is enabling him to continue with his frivolous gas station spending and not face the consequence of the loan
Random side note my dogs are having some terrible gas… anyone know of a good remedy?
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My dad’s dog (Samoyed) used to have bad gas but he changed foods and it fixed it. I can’t remember what exactly the change was - it probably varies by dog anyway.
Maybe try some different types of food?
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They have been on the same food for a long time. I did get a different box of treats recent. Maybe that’s it 
I’ll get them some different milkbones tomorrow.
How are you?
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Good. A lot of things bubbling up recently, emotionally (I posted a bit about it yesterday, keeping it general). Recently in my marriage - the last two months - I’ve felt really trapped. It’s a bizarre feeling because we’ve been married for 13 years and in general we play off each other pretty well. But recently we’ve had some just blistering arguments. I’m not sure why other than to think this may be the result of me “spreading my wings” as I become more confident in living my life.
But obviously “spreading my wings” cannot automatically lead to blistering arguments. Especially not about laundry, dishes, and whether or not I’m applying sanitizer when I get in the car. (Of course, it’s never actually about those things.)
I reached a realization today that I shared with her: “you need to have more faith in me”. (I often feel like she assumes the worst about a given situation and it’s tough for her to see the constructive potential in it; her worries filter her vision and it colours her mood and her choices and perceptions.) She’s an anxious type, which is fine, everyone has their own history and style. By contrast I’ve always been a type to figure it out as I go along (and I pointed out to her that the whole reason I met her is I decided on impulse to move to China and work there).
Figuring it out on the fly works fine for me, but obviously it isn’t exactly the style of thinking and acting that goes with a more anxious personality.
At the same time, I probably need to acknowledge her feelings more than I do. It’s tough for her to “ride the waves”; she needs her worries to be seen and respected more than I think I do right now.
We’re seeing a counsellor, fourth session coming up soon (we go every two weeks). At the sessions we’re learning about communication currently. Working to establish a baseline set of communication and speaking and listening actions where both of us feel seen and heard. We practice nonjudgmental listening, and “echoing” to acknowledge listening, 15 minutes a day right now, to get practice. It’s helpful.
One day at a time I guess. It’s a wild ride; honestly there have been times when I ask, “why am I still in this? What is happening here? Why do I stay?” But at the same time I see, sometimes clearly, that there’s a value in something even when I’m beyond frustrated. Gotta come at it a new way, or give it time. I’m safe; we have things coming down the pipe (adoption); we have a plan. It’s worth working it out.
One day at a time.
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I’m glad that y’all are in counseling. I wish I could get something constructive like that here in this relationship but it doesn’t seem possible. Adoption sounds a promising and exciting venue. I can’t even imagine the emotion ride y’all are both on but I’m happy for you that you are both willing to work for each other.
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Thx Jenn 
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That gas station spending would drive me so mad omg. 
Seriously. What. Sounds like your husband is avoiding responsibility at every turn. My man did the very same, probably worse. He did like to pay for shit though, so he could feel better about his actions and it helped him to avoid taking responsibility for anything. He could always point to the the fact that he was paying for a lot… behaviour around money is always a good indicator for how we treat ourselves, I think. In cases of both our partners: carelessly.
Give your dogs caraway seeds with their food or make a tea from the seeds by letting them sit in boiling water for a bit then give them the tea, whatever works best.
My dogs get a 1:1 mix of vegetables and meat/innards and they truly never ever have gas. It’s pretty cool.
Wishing you a good day Jen. (And less stinky )
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