I agree w Faugxh. I don’t have much to add but I wanted to chime in and say I’m thinking of you.
It’s funny. I have a habit of diving into sweets (night cookies & chocolate) and things like doughnuts over the course of a day. I often find myself over (sometimes well over) my recommended calorie intake. I believe it is also psychological in my case. Where is this belief coming from? This “thing I want” (or, in your case, “thing I don’t want”).
Our minds and our bodies. So interesting. 
Checking in- an emotional day. I was crying on and off. The hubs and I got into it good last night and a lot of things were said that probably have needed to be said for a long time. I told him I think we should separate today. He is mostly acting normal other than a bit earlier when he went into a deep spiral and I asked if he was ready for a psych hold because he was saying he doesn’t know what he wants out of life and he thinks it’s just over for him. I asked him why doesn’t he get out and try things because he said he has no interest in anything and then he said he has no interest to try new things. When I asked him about the psych hold- he said always with the dramatic, first you killed shady and now this. 
I thought we were over that but I guess he will always have resentment about the dog situation.
I’m off the weekend and we are doing Christmas at his families and I just hope it isn’t weird because his mom knows both sides as she is like my second mom. I just feel antsy about it.
Oh and I got some meal supplement powder today and I’m going to make it my breakfast meal so I know I will be getting in almost 500 calories off the bat. I hope it makes up for what I’ve been missing in food. I was able to eat a bit today but honestly it wasn’t much more than yesterday.
I’m sorry to hear about the things he said today. It’s such a hard space to be in for you. These patterns and this sense of being stuck.
I want you to know that you are a capable, insightful, and valuable person who brings so much of herself to whatever you do. You are a valuable member of any relationship you’re in (whether it’s with a significant other, or work colleagues, or other connections).
I remember how close you are to your mom. Having his mom there must echo some of that for you. That makes this extra hard. It’s hard. I can feel it 
That seems terribly unfair to put that blame on you. Not fair, and also, totally irrelevant to the conversation at hand 
It was unfair, granted he is entitled to his feelings but it didn’t have a place in the conversation at all and it just shut me down and out of the conversation. So I just listened after that.
Big hugs 
hope you have a brighter day Jenn!
Checking in. 2 months 15 days.
I had a really good day until the end. I got up went to work, worked out, then went back to help them close. I hadn’t gone back all week even when they needed it. They needed it tonight but were more appreciative because I just hopped on and started knocking out scripts. I was able to get in a good amount more food today. Some was forced but I had energy in my workout and I haven’t had that in at least 2 weeks. The hubs wanted to chat so we were and I was talking about how I’m excited to go to an auction tomorrow morning. I’ve never been and they are auctioned a ton of stuff, including treadmills!! He completely downplayed and even said it’s just an auction, you are hyping it up. I hate when he busts my excitement bubble like that. It might suck but I’m fucking excited and I don’t think it will suck. I had asked him to go and I really want to ask him to not go now but that’s pretty rude.
I’ve been to the car auction twice, once to buy (came home with nothing) and once to sell. It is a right blast!
That’s awesome!! What did you sell?
I really hope so!!! I’m still excited lol
My son’s first car was a used 98 Toyota Rav 4 (same year he was born!). He drove that for a couple of years and then we were told it wouldn’t pass state inspection the 3rd year, too much rust underneath it. A kid from New York state bought it (there’s no inspection laws there, not in a lot of states actually), and I hope it brought him as much joy and independence that it brought to my son. Great first car, you sit up high, lots of glass so you can see everything, and wicked underpowered. Automatic transmission and 4 wheel drive, perfect VT car!
Lol I might not bring anything home but if I do we all know it’s gonna be a treadmill 
Absolutely! 
Yeah, depressed ppl will do that, burst the excitement bubble. 
It’s that selfish cry for help, but it’s also really childish and egoistical to rain on someone else’s parade like that. Depression is not an excuse to be shitty to others. Everybody who suffers from it has to learn that eventually.
Therefore I vote (if we’re voting, not sure right now! 
) uninvite him, rudeness or not. It’ll serve him nothing to be there and your fun will be spoilt. He has a better chance of learning the lesson when there’s consequences to his bs. And before you ask, yes that’s how I do with my /partner/. If he’s in his weird ass mood that has nothing to do with me, he doesn’t get to go with me. Feels nice to draw boundaries that protect me like that.
I’m super happy you’re getting your calories up, girl! That’s so good! Nothing like a well fuelled well executed workout! 
Tell us how the auction went, I’ve never been to one! Enjoy!
Lol I suppose you get a vote 
I was thinking about it last night and I tossed and turned and got shit sleep but I really think I am going to ask him to not go. We have plenty of other plans he can be and is suppose to be a part of but honestly I don’t think I want him and his attitude there. I’m just worried it will cause an issue. We still have to live together for the unforeseen future. I was also thinking about that too. I really feel that I am dragging my feet but the decision has just been discussed. I’m been doing research and it doesn’t seem like our separation will be to difficult since we don’t have kids. Hell apparently you can file for divorce ONLINE and be “divorced” in minutes….
He has been saying this a lot. All the way back to the 401k loan. So September I suppose. However, on the flip side doesn’t get or look for help. He is so frustrating and I often wonder how and why it took so long for me to be fed up.
Sometimes it just takes good people a lot longer to get fed up. We invest not just time into our marriages, we invest our whole beings. It took me ten years to the day to get fed up with my first husband. He was an awful person, and I was brought up to believe that you didn’t get divorced, you work it out, you put up with things that make you unhappy… especially if you have children. I had three very young children when I left him. Not only was it the best thing I ever did for myself, it was the best thing I ever did for them.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, because even when it’s over, it’s still a painful mess. You’re going to come out of it all shining, though. I truly believe that about you.
Very much so. I feel like I’ve given him so much of me I don’t even know myself anymore and the more I find me, I don’t want to give it to him. If that makes any sense. Thank you for sharing. I really appreciate it. It does make me feel less alone. I know I’m not the first to be in this position. I feel really decent today honestly. I just hope I can keep this mindset through the day.
It makes perfect sense. There just comes a time when you have to stand up for yourself and say “enough is enough”! I nearly completely lost my identity to my first husband. It’s funny when you realize that you miss yourself and you actually like yourself no matter how they try to make you feel. My ex was one of those people who sucked the joy and life right out of me. I couldn’t be who I needed to be for myself, much less my kids, when he was in the picture. He simply had to go.
And no, we’re not the first ones who’ve been in this position, and we certainly won’t be the last, but for right now let it all be about you. You are worth the freedom.
Thank you for this.
I hope the auction is going well today! Let us know 
