The life of me (Part 1)

My headspace is still an angry place. I have decided to put a time table on my job. If I’m still this unhappy in 6 months I plan to 1) talk with the supervisor above mine and see about a different job in the company and/or find a new job. I think it’s a good plan and not irrational.

@Matt thank you for the dog picture! :dog::heart:
@Mbwoman I’m sorry you are in a funk too. You are right though. This shall pass

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That sounds sensible. This has been going on for so long and it’s obviously not working for you - it’s time for a change.

Imagine this: being sober enough to recognize and ask for what you need. Jenn for the win :1st_place_medal:

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Checking in. Full scale of things it wasn’t the worst day ever. It definitely wasn’t as bad as yesterday, so yay. Hubs is having a bout of depression. I tried both email and left a phone message this past week for the therapist I found. No response yet and they are closed on Friday :roll_eyes: Work was meh. I talked to C and she has known about my unhappiness too. She used to work in my department. That’s how we met. Anyways, she applied and got a different job inside our company. She thinks I should check out that Avenue and I just might. I have a good name for myself all the way to the top of the company. They know I’m reliable and get shit done. I tried to do a virtual workout after work but there was a substitute and I just wasn’t in the headspace for that so I went for a run instead. I’m content with the endorphins lol Gonna read for a bit and head to bed

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Checking in. It was a long day for work and I haven’t done anything since except lay around. The hubs is acting like he wants to be alone so I’ve just left him alone. I looked on the company website today and found a job I want to apply for. I talked to C to get a bit of information and she told me when I do apply to let her know and she will call the head of the department. I know I said 6 months and had a timeline but what’s the worst that can happen from me applying other than I don’t get it and I stay doing what I was already doing… still muling it over. Change is scary

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I agree, change is scary. When I was still drinking change was enemy #1.

I forced myself to make some changes at work recently too because I found I was getting too comfortable and complacent. I hate change but I also know that part of sobriety is trying to constantly work on, and improve ourselves.

I figure I can’t improve myself if I stay in my comfort zone and just keep doing the same thing everyday :man_shrugging:

Plus I’ve read that learning new things and doing different activities can improve your brain health and who doesn’t want that?

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Sounds like an interesting opportunity. Totally understandable to feel uncertain about it. I think anyone would feel that way in your shoes :innocent:

I’m sure you’ll figure it out Jenn. You’re smart. Be good to yourself and have faith that the universe is about growth and learning - and you’ll find what you need.

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This in a nut shell! Not to mention the distain I’m beginning to have for this particular job. Heck it’s to the point of me having anxiety just turning on the dang computer. I feel like that in itself is enough to warrant change. I think the scared is two fold though. 1- of the change and 2- of the possible rejection.

@Matt It is an interesting position and travel would most likely be involved. Faith in the universe is a hard thing. I’ll try :blush:

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Checking in. Decent day at work. While long it wasn’t as stressful as yesterday. So with today being better than yesterday and so forth. I expect tomorrow to not suck :joy: I’m off so woohoo. I know I want to go for a run for the sunrise but other than that I don’t have any plans yet. I need to decorate my office background for Christmas… I suppose I could do that

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Doing my checkin. I didn’t get as much done as I wanted to today but it’s ok. I still got a bit of cleaning and food is prepped for the next 2ish days. I applied for that job in the company today so fingers crossed. I don’t know how long it will be until I hear something so we shall see.

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Wishing you luck on the job application Jenn!

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Checking in. Not a bad day at all. I worked out this morning, worked, then went for a run. Right after I finished my run work texted for help and I said no. I’m really trying to hold the boundary of not helping close all the time. I still do 2 or 3 days a week and that’s with the boundary lol. The only complaint I have is I have a pimple in the corner of my eye and it’s really bothersome. I have this burts bees stuff I put on it so hopefully it will be gone tomorrow.

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Setting boundaries is a good thing! Also saying “I would help close, but I have a pimple in the corner of my eye.” That would leave whoever asked possibly speechless! Good luck with getting a new position! Work has been stressful. A little over 4 years until retirement so I’m sticking it out!

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Haha- I wish it was just the pimple but my eyelid is a bit swollen today. As long as the swelling doesn’t turn into and full HAE episode I’ll be fine. Taking my medicine and hoping for a low stress day. I wish I was 4 years from retirement lol I still have what like 30 years :expressionless: unless I somehow become independently wealthy

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I hate it when the eye goes funny. I had that a few years back and it was lousy :cry: Hoping yours is nothing more than a pimple :innocent:

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Checking in. It wasn’t a terrible day. Work was normal. My swelling didn’t get any worse so that’s a huge plus. (Side story- one time I had a pimple on the side of my face by the outer part of my eye and I messed with it. I obviously messed with it to much because my eye started to swell and then into my entire face. I was hospitalized for 2 days to make sure my airways didn’t swell shut.)
I haven’t really had much motivation in the way of working out. I’m getting a few days a week of activity but my body feels drained when I’m trying to push for a workout. I’m pretty sure it’s my food intake. I’m not getting enough calories. I tracked my food today and I didn’t even clear 1000 calories and this was with me forcing myself to just eat a sandwich. I’m honestly thinking of going and getting a meal replacement powder tomorrow just to help up my calorie intake. I don’t feel hungry and when I do I’ll make a plate and eat a small portion and then walk away.

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I didn’t start making much progress til I started eating like a mofo. 1k and under is really low, under 2k is even low for most active people…no wonder you’re having less energy! Gotta eat!

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Yeah I’m gonna second this, just didnt know how to say it. You’re so determined and energetic Jen, you’ll easily make it a habit once you set your mind to it!
If you can’t be fucked with a tracking app (they are quite a lot of work and can trigger obsessive behaviour for some, me for example), pre-plan your meals, at least mentally. Not down to recipes, that’s not necessary. Just make a schedule of when/how many times a day will you eat, what will you eat. Think up a few options for every meal you’re skipping as of now. So you have go-to’s that are already in your mind and don’t get overwhelmed with having to come up with stuff all the time or end up skipping again. You only have to do this once. Then stick to it and modify later as needed.

Set alarms to remind yourself to eat or snack certain times of the day.
Make it a habit. Like: Don’t leave the house without breakfast. Bring food to work. Finish your meals. Don’t go to bed hungry. You’ll get the hang of it in no time.
:muscle::apple::chestnut::bread::poultry_leg::cheese::corn::lemon::avocado::shallow_pan_of_food::cake:

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Want to add - GET. THEM. CARBS.

Unfairly demonized and so necessary!

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It’s not that I don’t meal prep or have food on hand. I food prep and it’s ready. I make my plate and just don’t eat it. I’ll try the alarm idea for snacks through the day but I just don’t want to eat it seems like. I know I need food because duh it’s fuel. I don’t remember how many months ago I posted on here thread that I was worried about my food consumption because it isn’t adequate. I need food right now because I just worked out but I don’t want to eat. I don’t even feel hungry but I’ll force some toast and an apple down.

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Sounds like an emotional issue. Sounds like you’re cut of from your need to eat. You just don’t want to eat, it seems, you say. I’d take that sentence and go inward. What makes you say so? What feelings come up when you feel like you should but don’t want to eat? What are the circumstances you’re usually in when you “should eat”? Do you ever enjoy it? Did you ever feel your hunger more? What was eating like as a kid? How long has this issue persisted?..

Just ask yourself lots of questions and explore what comes up.
Food is a difficult subject. Nothing is simple for many many ppl. Myself included.

Go easy on yourself, explore your relationship to food and eating and maybe gradually implement some practical changes at the same time.

It’s a journey. But you’re not alone with it. :stars:

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