I met my husband 15 years ago, and we were instantly drawn to one another. Both young, traumatized people just wanting to be loved. We were best friends and had our fair share of obstacles but we always managed to lean on each other for comfort. To say we were codependent is an understatement but it never really negatively effected our life. I had one daughter from a short and toxic relationship and 9 years later (after many miscarriages) gave birth to our 2nd daughter. This was the most beautiful time in our lives. He worked full time making good money, we had a home, lived comfortably and we’re so in love with our growing family. He always made me feel loved and beautiful even when I didn’t feel that way. Throughout the years we would occasionally party. Sometimes drinking with friends, marijuana was a constant, then it stemmed into once in awhile we would find some pills. Nerve pills, and once a year when we could find some cocaine, and then we had some friends that used pain pills and started down that road. If I’m being completely honest I enjoyed the pain pills more than he did but I never let it become a constant. Back then it was 4 or 5 hydrocodone 7.5mg that would last a day or two then I was content to go back to regular life and still managed to be a mother and wife regardless if I felt a little shitty from withdrawal. I grew up in a stable household, never seen addiction of any kind and I can only say I’m one of the lucky ones that could walk away from things without that horrid crash and depression. My husband is the complete opposite, and I guess in my naive mind didnt understand that it could someday really become a problem for him. So anyways fast forward to the summer of 2016 when my nightmare truly began. One of those “so called” friends who was a heavy opiate addict could no longer get his fix bc of the Drs all being shut down and not allowed to prescribe like they had been, started doing meth. My husband came to me and begged me for like a week to please just try it one time, and deep inside I knew it was a bad idea but I loved him so much I made the worst mistake of my life by agreeing. Little did I know he had already tried the poison before this, but still I wish I would have faught harder and said no. What started out as fun quickly became and everyday habit, 3 or 4 nights awake, crashing and neglecting my kids bc I couldn’t function, bills not getting paid, not grocery shopping bc let’s face it, food is the last thing on a meth addicts mind…and on and on. We started to fight and argue for hours on end about anything and nothing all at the same time. I vividly remember setting in the bathroom face to face, smoking meth and we went back and forth being so vile to each other. It’s honestly like something dark and spiritual had taken hold of us and we couldn’t even hear one another or control ourselves. Then we ended up having sex for hours, what I might consider the best sex of my life now turns my stomach bc I don’t know who or what was inside me, driving me. It was the darkest most depressing time of my life. He completely withdrew from me and our kids, spending hours in a spare room taking things apart, putting things together, only to speak to me when there was a line to do. I hated it, I hated what it turned my beautiful family into and I wanted out. We almost lost everything when some family offered to let us come live out of state and get our lives together. We went for 6 months but he wasn’t happy. He wanted to come home and I thought it would help so I agreed. A year or two passed, and one night I just knew. The way he was talking and behaving…I KNEW. I found his stash or straws and empty baggies in the bathroom and I was broken. It’s been a cycle for 2 or 3 years now and reached my breaking point. The violence my kids have witnessed can never be undone but what kind of mother continues to let it happen? He ended up in jail for the first time and it’s been a solid week today without contact. I’m broken, sad, hurt, angry, lonely. That once sweet man that made me feel like a queen, had nothing but vulgar harsh ugly evil words for me. Questioned my ability to be a mother, talked about my family who’s done nothing but help us through the years, told me I was disgusting fat ugly whore, all while my children listened from the next room. I’ve screamed and cried, begged and offered every type of support that I could think of, but he never took a single step. Deep down he knows it’s mostly the drugs, that he hates his self and doesn’t want to be that broken lost angry soul but it’s completely in his hands. I heard before the only emotion stronger than love is loss. I’m loosing the man I love right Infront of my eyes and there isn’t a single thing I can do to save him. For all of you addicted today, I pray you realize that your actions dont just affect you. That those drugs are never going to fulfill you, love you, or stop that internal pain your feeling. The only thing I can do now is pray that he realizes that drug is out to kill, steal, and destroy him and there are ways to heal. I’m 33 years old and I have so much life and love to offer, I just never envisioned it without him. Pray for me 
lots of love and thank you for reading my story!
Thank you for sharing a bit of ur story. I felt thr lain amd hurt and exhaustion in ur story. I was a meth addict for years along with opiates and then crack cocaine. I definitly know that feeling over something evil just taking over. Drugs takes everything away from us, our minds, our soul, rips aparts families and destroys everything it touches. It makes us different people for sure. Honestly i think u made the right choice about not having contact with hin. Itll hurt but it sounds like it may be for the best. Hugs 
Stay connected to us on the forum. U and ur kids can have a good life. And i can be the best version of urself eith a joyous, happy, and free life
Thank you so much! It’s truly hard to find people who understand what you’ve been through. It’s absolutely a different kind of hell and unless you’ve lived it you really have no clue. I can blame him some but mostly I blame the drugs 
it turned his mind inside out and I’m almost certain he’s suffering from a phycological issues now. So thankful I found this forum to release things that I’m not comfortable sharing with family or friends.
Wow thank you for sharing your story and call to action. Addiction is an ugly disease. I wish you and the kids the best.
Meth is a different kind of drug. Of any drug i have ever been addicted to, meth caused the most psychological damage. Seeing hears and hearing yhings and the paranoia. Its brutal to day the least. Of course my mind has healed alot since i quit that drug and recovery is absolutely possible. Just glad ur here 
and that ur taking care of ur recovery
Thank you for sharing your story Amber.
Take care and feel free to connect here. While we are all aware how much damage we’ve caused with our addictions, it’s always good to read “the other perspective” just like reading that of us may be helpful for you.
Welcome to the community 
and thank your for sharing your experience.
Maybe the week inside will be good for him detox and then lay down some strict rules for when his out (i know rhat easier said than done) but to make change happen things have to change.
Hopefully this is what helps him to break the cycle and realise what he has to lose.
Stay strong and im so glad your here with us because this community is full of so many supportive people and your not alone now you have all of us anytime
Sending you lots of peace and love beautiful. Thank you for sharing a bit about your story. Like everyone just responded, keep logging in. This forum has been a blessing to me. And We’re all here for the same reason, to find peace and love for ourselves and to share it with our loved ones fully happy and sober. It takes ALOT of strength to be able to stop any type of drug. So you should be a proud mother. I’ll be praying for you and your family. God is amazing, and he is able to turn any situation around.
Thank you for sharing 
It is so sad when drugs turn lovely caring people into selfish, mean people. I experienced this myself allthough the DOC is alcohol. It hurts to loose a partner to drug induced behaviour, missing out love and reliability. Please take care of yourself, stay sober. Come here to share, vent and support.
There is a thread about loved ones who are addicts, maybe you want to read around there too.
Welcome