What was your breaking point like? Was it a feeling, an accident you caused, a picture you saw, a person you’ve hurt?
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Nothing earth shattering, though I’ve had my share of moments that screamed Get your shit together.
Just another blackout, and I was over the stupidity of trying to figure out what I’d been up to, again.
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When my behavior became so out of character I knew I had to do something. When I tried do something and couldn’t, I knew I needed help.
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When my friend showed me a video of me trying to ride my bike home from a concert. I was so drunk I couldn’t even hold my head up let alone pedal. I remembered none of it. I also woke up with a mysterious series of bumps, scrapes and pains that I had zero explanation for due to being blacked completely out. They thought it was another funny boozy story. I thought it was devastating. I felt like I’d been punched square in the face. Enough.
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Waking up on the cold kitchen floor!
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Was already drinking heavily, and needed oral surgery. Got a prescription for Vicodin afterward. After a week I didn’t need any more for the pain – but I went and refilled the prescription just so I could “party“ with whiskey and Vicodin. For some reason I had a moment of clarity and realized how crazy that is. Went to a meeting that night.
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I’ve had my share of dramatic stories, but the truth is I had already realized the problem uneventfully on my own before they ever happened. The “wake up” moments were just reminders of the consequences that I’d been ignoring.
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I have two moments.
When I first realized my excessive drinking was a real problem was when I woke up in the middle of the night (for the thousandth time!!) and decided I was tired of all the horrible thoughts I had. I realized it was better to miss alcohol than it was to miss happiness.
But then I relapsed consistently the next two years. So then I had another moment where I realized that I needed HELP to quit. Then I called a therapist and found the schedule for local AA meetings.
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My health was the precipitating factor. I started becoming short of breath, started having panic attacks and anxiety which is something I’ve never experienced before. I also have a mucus problem in my upper respiratory tract that is starting to fade but was bad. I couldnt eat or drink without needing to spit all the time. Always clearing my throat. The huge thing was 1 day I started tasting blood in my mouth randomly and went to check my teeth to see if my gums were bleeding or tongue… nope, it was coming from my throat. Instantly decided it was time and also changed my diet and have been consistently going to the gym. I won’t let alcohol destroy my health any longer. I’m too young.
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Yes! When I realized my problem, when I realized I needed to DO something about it, and when I realized I needed help were three separate moments in time for me.
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I haven’t needed help, beyond this community…yet. I did have a moment when I knew I needed to quit, forever. It was a Monday after a particularly urgent Sunday drunk. I mean I came home from church, and went straight for a bottle of cheap vodka I kept stashed in my workshop. I felt driven, like something was chasing me. I drank for several hours and passed out at my workbench. Wife woke me up, and I went to bed. When I woke up hungover that next day, I knew in my heart I needed end my drinking, or it would end me…but not before first taking away everything that matters to me.
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Hurting the ones I cared most about… loosing, friends, relationships jobs, the flash backs of blotted blacked out memories from years of alcohol abuse… the embarrassment I’ve faced being out of control in public… seeing the looks in the eyes of those around me knowing they see a drunk loser. Bearing scars from self harm and drunken accidents. I’m tired of feeling like a monster I want to be a good person not a shameful drunk.
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I always knew that I needed to change because I always felt deep in my heart that I was spiling downward. I constantly ran from my emotions straight to the bottle.
Hated hearing stories of my blackouts the next day.
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Thank you. I’ve been sober a few years and had not recently thought about those embarrassing moments when I realized people were looking at me like a “drunk loser”. Reminders like that help keep me sober. Thanks again.
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