Thanks for the response. To collate the information over such a long time shows that this is important to you and that it has been at the forefront of your mind for some time. This is good. But it is very different from COVID I think and not a particularly valuable comparison. With an alcohol problem, you are the key, you are in control of your fate. Comparing to COVID is perhaps framing it in a way that it is out of your control? Just a thought.
It keeps coming back because you haven’t found the tools that work for you yet. Keep searching and stay open minded. You can find these tools in many ways and the useful tools may not be what you initially expect. To be fair it sounds like you are doing some of these things already. And others can help you find them but you are in control of implementing them. And maybe the things you don’t like to hear the most are the things you should listen to. That was the case for me anyway.
Its just because i tried to moderate. My target was to put the amounts under 60 per month, later i had the target to drink less this year than 2020 (i think i already failed).
I guess youre right. I think to it is like covid. I don’t think that i really have the control anymore. When the wave comes, espacially after a longer break, then “the party” gets started.
I hear you. I’ve been there (as has virtually everyone on the forum I would imagine). Trying to moderate. I used to reset my timer every morning. I used to refer to these as relapses in early recovery but they weren’t. I don’t think it’s a relapse if literally all you are doing to try and stay sober is resetting a timer every morning because you feel sorry for yourself. I was just a drunk that reset my timer a lot. Madness.
Perhaps that’s something to look into. Why you feel powerless to it and how you have arrived here? That can be a good place to start in finding your solution. I have found that finding some understanding of those things very powerful.
From what I’m been reading in your post I don’t think your done drinking when you reach the point of desperation then you will be willing to go to any length to stop wish you well in your journey
