If any of you are anything like me, and have been through the wringer a few times (detox, treatment, sober house, etc.) the goal is always the same, renew relationships, get a place to stay and job, and appear normal to everyone. I was the “hippie/gypsy” type in my active use stages. And that personality trait does not translate well with me all the time in recovery. Dealing with everyday life is still a hassle sometimes. Acquiring all this “stuff” takes maintenance that I don’t always take seriously. But I know deep down that if I don’t “conform” I’ll use. California sober is not an option for me. (Iykyk) I don’t have a desire to drink, but I am not enjoying sobriety today. To realize I’m a type A personality after the playing the role of laid back is a hard pill to swallow. I never imagined having to put all my ducks in a row all the time regarding everything everyday. I learned from AA that being sober isn’t enough, I have to actively change into a better person overall. Which lately has been hard. After all this time, I still am fond of the person I was then, not necessarily what I was doing but the intention I had then. I hope this helps someone. I’m not glorifying my “active”days at all. I’ve learned a lot and continue to learn, I’m looking forward to this new version of me, I just don’t know who it is yet 
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