When I was five years old, I was first exposed to soft core pornography by a neighborhood teen. Since then, my life has been a constant struggle with lust , masturbation, and pornography. As a young child, I purchased and sneaked it, hid it everywhere. Everything you could do to hide a bottle, I did with the magazines. Later, it was videos. I had good stretches of abstinence but usually not real sobriety. Then internet porn came out, and I was done for! But Sexaholics Anonymous has helped me so much, as has my relationship with Jesus Christ in Orthodox Christianity. and now I have this awesome app as well. Restarting after relapse, a beautiful Day One.
Fifty-four years old, husband and father, looking forward to starting The Rest of My Life.
Chronic relapse can be a serious problem for any addict, and this is especially true for lust and pornography addicts, for whom the open bottle is just a click or memory away. So recently, I’d been getting only about two to three days sobriety at a time–really rough! So, I did some research, and one thing that was recommended for chronic relapse is to figure out how much time you have on average, then work all 12 Steps in that time period. They don’t have to be perfect, just get 'em done! Sounds like it might work. The Steps do convey the power of the Uncreated God who made me, after all.
Two provisos seemed important to me, however. One, no personal amends this time around : I make a list of people I have harmed, and I pray for them. I don’t want to risk screwing up relationships any more at this point.
Two, after Step 12, I go immediately back to Step 4, working on it slowly and intensively with my sponsor.
Well, that’s the plan. I was before getting only 2 to 3 days at a time. Now, I’m on Day 9, Step 5. ONLY by the grace of God, whose grace and power we addicts find in the Steps. I’ll keep you posted.
Please do keep us posted:)