Recently, I checked myself into the hospital to detox because my withdrawal symptoms were worse than they every have been, and I was scared. Only a select few people know that this had happened and that I am once again attempting sobriety. The problem is, is that I am feeling guilty that I have not told my parents that I was in the hospital. A few years ago, they kind of had an intervention with me and knew that I had been through multiple outpatient treatment programs, yet I continued to drink. My parents knew that I even though we discussed my problem as a family, that I was still drinking. This time around, I do not want to tell them that I was in the hospital and they find out how bad it really was. But I also do not want to tell them that I will attmept to be sober, because I donât want to disappoint them if I fail. Has anyone else experienced situations similar to this? Maybe you donât want other people to know whether or not itâs their business, but because you donât want to face the shame if you relapse?
The answer is simple, donât fail, not today. Thereâs no reason why you canât succeed; failure is not an option, not today.
Telling others is synonymous with burning your ships.
In the year 1519, Hernån Cortés arrived in the New World with six hundred men and, upon arrival, made history by destroying his ships . This sent a clear message to his men: There is no turning back.
I am in favor of burning your ships, when youâre ready.
Shame and addiction go hand in hand. Shame, avoidance, running away (from anything that we feel unworthy or inadequate about: relationships, expectations, goals, commitments, life in general): these are the emotional habits of the addict.
Weâve all been there.
Ultimately, what matters is being sober today. It is not necessary to tell immediate family, if you feel that would introduce emotional tension in yourself that you think would be unhelpful. To recover, you need to be gentle and simple with yourself: you have permission to do anything safe and legal, to maintain your sobriety.
If that includes postponing telling your family, thatâs ok.
Living a sober life requires an emotional and sober-living toolkit. This toolkit can be learned in many ways - some learn through books, some groups, many from both. It includes skills for talking yourself through emotionally tricky situations, and knowing when and how (and whom) you can ask for help.
What can you do now, to start building that emotional, sober-living toolkit? (I know your family is important to you - they obviously are! - and taking time to better understand yourself and your sober life, will help you think more clearly about them.) You can use the emotional skills you learn there, to strengthen your relationship with yourself, and therefore also with your family.
If youâre worried people will ask, you can just keep it general. âIâm trying a little lifestyle change,â âIâm cutting sugars down,â etc. You donât have to get too specific.
Another good trick in the occasional social event is to being your own Perrier or other seltzer water. If people see you already have something in your hand they wonât offer you something and the question may never come up.
This is only my opinion but for me it truly isnât anyoneâs business. First and for most we have to do this for ourselves. It sounds like that is exactly what youâve done. When the time is right to share the news you will know. I suspect they will see the difference in you long before you see it yourself. Recovery is very personal and it also needs to be a little selfish.That being said check your reasons for not telling them. If you have fear that you will relapse perhaps telling someone that can hold you accountable might be a good plan. I do understand why you donât want to broadcast it and you have every right to do so
You ask such interesting questions. I keep having thoughts 
You ask about shame in not doing what you said you will do. Obviously you want to be sober - you wouldnât be asking here if you didnât - but thereâs a doubt in you.
The question youâre asking here is about the core sober living question:
accountability
Ultimately being sober is about choosing to be sober every day, for that day. It involves making the choices you need to make, to be sober that day.
You do have to be accountable to people. People do need to know that you are sober, and walking your sober path.
In my experience family members have a lot of emotional intensity associated with them. Thatâs not good or bad, it just is what it is.
In addition, family members are also often not trained in recovery. Recovery is a multifaceted emotional and social experience, and it is not for people who arenât willing to put in the effort. It also requires a lot of reflection and soul-searching, and support from people who have walked the journey. (It is difficult for people who havenât been through recovery to fully understand the process.) This is why AA or another similar recovery group, works. It is an organization available free of charge and populated by millions of people who have walked a recovery path, and can coach you along yours.
You do not have to tell your family. But - you do have to be accountable to someone, and you do need someone you can call. The benefit of choosing a recovery group is that they have the expertise and the experience, to help you walk your path.
Thereâs a good selection of groups here:
I learned in AAâŠâOur secrets keep us sick.â I say be honest with yourself and your family. By telling them, it will give you that exrra layer of accountability.
This just opens the door to relapse IMO.
People not knowing and not holding me accountable has always been my mental get out of it. No one can see me fail, no one knows it happening so when I want slip back its easier and a comfortable transition back to my old self. Itâs your own decision but make it for the right reasons you can do this
Iâm with Laura on this one! You need to be held accountable IMO. We all do.
100%. I wish you all the best in what ever decision you make 
Thank you all for your insight and advice. This group has given me a lot to think about, and I think having someone for accountability reasons is a good idea. I may start with some friends and then when the time is right, have a conversation with the family. Thank you everyone! Your support is greatly appreciated 
I have told everyone, relapse couldnt happen to me. I would kill myself If I started drinking again. A lot of us alcoholics and addicts had issues with telling the truth, we head behind lies and half truths. Getting sober, for me was ending that cycle. For me, there was freedom in telling people.