The alcoholic husband called of course apologizing begging me not to file for divorce, I said the sober sorry is not enough without action. Today he signed his self up in a program and said when his dad is drinking he would no longer be around it just give him a chance the reason why he was verbal on the phone was because he doesn’t want to lose me, I respond the sober sorry is not enough without action to back it up. So here I stand still strong and supportive from a distance if he gets it together we might be if not then I stand alone and continue to take care of myself. Once again thanks so much to everybody this group really helps with people dealing with addicted family members, I found my tribe I feel I’m never leaving this group 
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There’s an idiom that goes something like:
If you walk 10 miles into a forest, don’t expect to walk out in 5.
When I drank, I was a pretty rotten husband and father. I wasn’t abusive, just absent. I chose the bar instead of family. For years I did this.
The first time I quit, that week I couldn’t understand why my wife still didn’t trust me! Drove me mad, drove me to drink again.
It took coming here and really talking about my past behavior to realize that, I was still in the forest. I was going to have to walk completely out before my trust would be earned. That takes time and work. Even now, after 5 years, I feel im JUST leaving the forest… but I have a lot to make up for.
I think your husband needs to understand that actions speak louder than words, and one week, one month, one year of sobriety doesn’t automatically redeem a life of poor behavior, even though those are good milestones.
He’s got a lot of work ahead of him, and I hope that you have the patience and fortitude to endure, it’s not easy.
No matter what though, you have my support!
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I think your making good sence but i just dont know what happened which is completely ok. As you stand firm yet supporive from a distanece tells me all i need to know
I came a very long way
This post is very real to me
My wife stayed supportive for me through the end of my drinking almost a year ago
What sobering about this post is that i can really fk it up with her if i drink or smoke weed.
Some self control can go a long way
But also.on the other side of it is that hes your husband. I would never leave my wife im sure. It will not be my decision to leave if we ever leave eachother
I look up to your patience in supporting from a distence
As i said earlier in this comment i dont know what he did. But your patience tells me youve pretty much had enough of the sht and i think telling him to go to a program is worth it. I would go for my wife
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Hey @Noshame my husband used to when he drank was get verbal and want to argue that caused me to get fed up and it happened and separate living with a family member until he agreed or not agreed to get help. So he was sober 7 days last week and then had a relapse with his dad in the night of drinking on Good Friday for Easter called me and got verbal about I shouldn’t have left blah blah blah and then I blocked him. He used his dad’s phone this morning to contact me and say that he’s sorry so I came up with a strength motivation that I say to myself to keep me strong and I Said to him, sober sorries mean nothing without action. So he agreed and signed Himself up for rehab and that’s how I came to say that I will continue to be supportive but can’t deal with the verbal I think he’s getting it more and more that I’m not kidding and I’m not going to tolerate it because this is 
not the first time but he’s signed to self up. Thanks for your advice hugs to you and congratulations on your sobriety and a blessed life with your family and wife 
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Thank you so much and you have my support as well takes a lot to admit you’re wrongs when you were actively drinking. Congratulations on your sobriety and the great things that come along with being sober
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This sums it up for me and what ive learnt from being sober. Unfortunately it didnt work between me and my wife but there were more issues than drink involved. But in my first few attempts in getting sober last year id try show everyone how id changed including my ex wife ,like i went a month and thought why isnt everyone having a party or realising id changed and congratulating me lol but then id get pissed off and have the mindset well stuff it if they think im the same might as well drink .
What i didnt realise with that attitude i was still doing it for somebody else it didnt matter who but i wasnt doing it for me so this time and in the 6 months i havent flaunted it just kept on and hopefully people would see id changed if not i had to keep going hoping one day they might but if not thats life . But i know now 100% im doing it for me and for me to have a better life no matter what comes along.
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Thanks so much and congratulations on your sobriety and blessings to you and your girlfriend on living a great life❤️
Well congratulations on your sobriety and doing it for you is what is going to keep you sober, same as i tell my husband to do it for himself not me his family grown kids we have and then and only then I know is when he’s going to beat this.
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Have u seen this thread? Might help…
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Thanks 
thats the best thing to tell him , good luck stay strong 
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Yes I tried posting there sometimes I mess up and post here…just learning how to navigate lol. Thanks
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You as well
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Many people in Al-Anon go your route and have to divorce. Thats the great thing about Al-Anon we are there for support. We don’t tell people what they should do. I hope you have some good support irl. If not, that thread @Starlight14 mentioned has people that are going through what you’re going through.
Do you know how to book mark threads here so you can find them easier? Your story could help others. A lot. You are not alone.
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Thanks. How do I book mark
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