The struggle is getting real

sobriety

#1

So monday i was struggling with how i was feeling plus taking on my kids all day … somedays its easier but other days it feels like it gets really bad … well i went to my significant other just to talk but as soon as i started crying he accused me of drinking again … he hasnt talked to met yet and ive been sleeping in a differnt room then him. … hes the one person in this time of need that i want to go to but he has no trust in me … so im stuck and dont know what to do with myself …


#2

This is an opportunity to start depending on yourself. Embrace it.
You got this.


#4

I understand completely. I’ve been off meth for 18 days. I’ve done some shady stuff in the past 4 years. Now my wife, who never used, won’t even let me go to the bathroom without questioning or having me leave the door ajar. We sleep with what I call the great wall of pillows between us. It’s very frustrating. Trying to recover and trying to mend broken fences at the same time is hard. Maybe I should consider rehab and focus on one at a time.


#5

All you can do is stick to your path in sobriety , you partner will come around . Relationships in recovery are always hard to put back together as well as trying to stay sober .do you and given time everything else will work out the way its meant to .might not be the way you want it to be but the way it is designed to


#6

Just think in thier shoes for a minute here… Its like u were cheating on your spouse with alcohol or drugs always lying until they found out. They have forgave you over and over. Memories of deception or violence while influenced takes a while to heal although it only took a impulse decision to betray them. Give it time…focus on proving yourself to her. The more open u are the faster things will heal. It took months of just saving money getting my life back to finally make any headway. In the end with or without them i just keep grindin day in and day out for myself…


#7

That pillow wall exists in my bed as well…I despise it


#8

Need to give that woman some “pillow talk” and get fresh with her… Im sure she doesnt want it to be there either.
Edit: after reading what your wife did lastnite you have a tough situation my friend i dont know how u do it. Reasons i just cant deal with alcohol at all. Maybe i also despise it because my parents are alcoholics. Many of my drunk ex’s i got calls to pick her up from the police station or a friends house it never stops. Maybe you can help point her in the right direction as its affecting her well being. Even a binge like that creates fog in our brains for a few days if we dont drink daily. I experienced with alcohol about 2 months in. I drank a few beers and only got tipsy. I hated how i felt mentally for the next 3 days. I havent touched it since and have no desire to…


#9

Have you tried recovering, then mending fences? I’m proud of your days, but for someone who doesn’t understand addiction you’re barely clean. 18 days isn’t going to undo 4 years of meth use. For me it was nice and easy to just work on recovery and let everything else fall into place in God’s time.


#10

Thanks man. I’m just focusing on me and my children right now. Hoping that she will see my change and be motivated to cultivate her own when she realizes the train is leaving the station.


#11

I loathe it. It seems like the physical symbol of the distance betwee us.


#12

That’s why I mentioned maybe I should consider rehab. At least I can be in a safe environment where I can work on me without feeling alone and isolated.


#13

It absolutely is…same feelings here. You aren’t alone.


#14

I’m so sorry to hear how selfish his actions were. I’m glad that you came to us. You are never alone.


#15

How do you handle those feelings? Emotionally I feel no better now than I did going on 19 days.


#16

Not very well if I dwell in the space. I’m full of resentment right now after last night. It’s actually probably more about me than it is about her though, because I feel judged and controlled when I’m drinking, but don’t reciprocate that micromanagement toward her…clearly that doesn’t work out well for me or her since she got wasted and made a mess of herself :roll_eyes:. So as she sleeps off her hangover today, I’m doing my best to stay busy. I’m packing for a work trip, cooking for the kids, taking frequent breaks to have coffee and quiet time. I took my dog for a walk and did 20min of meditation in an ice bath today. Essentially, I’m avoiding her and being present in the rest of my environment as much as possible. I guess in a nutshell, I focus on the positives, talk frequently to my therapist and have resigned myself to the fact that I am married to a roommate who sleeps in the same, albeit, divided bed as I do.


#17

Man, you guys are so much stronger than me when it comes to sticking it out with people who don’t trust/support you… I’ve always been the type of person that as soon as I see the first sign up of this, I’m like later dude. I used to feel lonely but now I’ve embraced the solitude. I had this realization where if I can’t be happy with myself when I’m alone, then maybe other people aren’t the problem.


#18

Bingo!
You got it.


#19

I’m sorry to hear that. My wife took my son with her mom to go see a movie. I told her I love you as she walked out the door. All I got was the door slammed on me. I’m trying to understand and help the situation but I’m human and I have breaking points. My biggest problem is I have no where to go at the moment.


#20

Thisssss x1000

Either support me or gtfo. Me still being alive in 10 years far outweighs any relationship no matter how much I feel for them.

Selfish? Yes. But I’m an alcoholic so we’re kinda programmed like that. Be as selfish with your sobriety as you were in your using. People that wanna stick around will do, and get to reap the benefits of a new, amazing sober you


#22

Give her time and space. Just do things around the house, but give her space. She probably sorting things out in her own head.