So hubby came home from work early which wasn’t planned…i asked if everythings alright and he said not really. He obviously didnt want to talk about it. Then when pressed he stated i dont have to tell you everything. This kinda hurt my feeling because im an open book with him. So im curious…
No, I don’t. We are the classic male/female pairing where I want to be heard (not necessarily fixed) and my husband doesn’t want to talk. So if I talk about something I don’t get any emotional support, just a “that can’t be helped” which doesn’t satisfy me, so I have given up, and he doesn’t tell me things because he “just wants to forget” but gets annoyed that I am not sensitive to the stress he is under.
I’m a Depends kind of guy. If something is bothering me, I may not want to talk about right now, but eventually, when the pain is gone I’ll reopen those wounds and talk about it.
If it’s about her though, nuh uh, gonna keep that to myself, forever, to the grave.
I have been deciding if I wanted to reply. I can’t speak for your wife, just me but here are a few reasons that I don’t personally talk as much as I use to and want to.
I start to talk about something and when I wait for a response he says something about a completely different subject. It feels like he isn’t actively engaging in the conversation and it feels like he doesn’t give a crap about whatever I just said.
I talk about something and it will have nothing to do with him but he assumes I am blaming him for the situation. Ex- last night I was looking for a ice pack. He had used it last and I asked him if he knew where it was. He said he didn’t. He came into the he bedroom a bit later and I said “did you find the ice pack yet” he said “why do you act like that is the reason I came into the bedroom” I was completely baffled by his response. I was just wondering if he came across it before he had laid down.
I try to vent about something and he responses with what do you want me to do or something along those lines. He doesn’t just let me vent and him listen.
These are just a few situations that happen most frequently but there are others that make me feel unheard.
Take a minute and think about your conversations with your wife. Maybe she doesn’t feel heard. What can you do to help her feel heard? What can you do to make her want to talk more?
It strikes me that so many on your list are people who are hurt and weak who protect against that by striking out. Some cover themselves with the armor of false authority (Ratched, Vader) others are overcome by obsessive madness for their lost love (Gollum, Joker).