I used to be a daily drinker for a few years until I got a DUI and had a seizure and it scared me into recovery.
I was sober for four years straight until I relasped for another few years…but it turned into binge drinking. I’ll drink straight day and night for about a week and then stop and recover and go another year. Same thing happens again…it’s always at the end of summer.
I woke up yesterday completely messed up. I feel so guilty. My withdrawals are pretty bad…shaky hands, weird visuals, anxiety through the roof, exhausted but can’t sleep, paranoia. All of these things make me feel like I’m literally dying. I’m even contemplating checking myself into the hospital because last year I went into full blown psychosis. It took six months to stop hearing voices.
I just can’t wrap my head around how I seem to forget every year or think “it’ll be fine. Just one drink won’t hurt.”
This is my first post so I hope this is ok and not too long. I’m just so scared right now.
Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read this.
Welcome to the forum! Im glad ur here. Summer is a hard season. The autumn season used to get me. There was something about the autumn season that would trigger me to use and drink. To this day i still dont know why its like that.
This is a perfect example of how addictive minds will lie to us. My mind lies to me too… all the time. It will convince us that we can have just one, that itll be fine, that we can moderate or only use/drink here n there. The reality is, is that once we put any substance into our body, it releases that addiction all over again. The trick is to not fall into the trap of those lies.
In early recovery it was tough, i wont lie. But it does get easier over time to distinguish those lies and to push them aside. Since u know summer is hard for u, maybe a plan in place to help would be a good idea. I have plans for what to do when i am triggered or have the urge to use, and it helps alot. It involves anything from self care, to distractions, exercise, journalling, online 12 step meetings, coming on here etc. Every little bit helps to not pick up wishing u all the best. Hope u stick around!
I know that feeling all too well. It’s hard for me not to romanticize when I’m sober about hoy good drinking feels. And all the pleasure that “goes with it” Like the glamour of summer parties and women in bikinis etc. It helps me to try to see past it, what the future will actually be like once the snow flies and the reality and hangover sets in. And to remember that there is no such thing as a life of leisure for anyone. I’m right there fighting the battle with you my friend. My physical withdrawals may be over but the war still rages on in with my mind. To quote George Carlin: “Just because you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town”
Welcome to the community
There are so many good resources and amazing people with simiar experiences here to help you on your journey. You can do this, you dont need to feel like this again, just start with today.
I hope to see you around on here!
wishing u all the best. Hope u stick around!
