Debating it again could always bring new insight, and could be very interesting for those who are new to the topic 
Thanks for splitting the thread 
same here lol
2 Likes
Just to clarify, it’s not really our preference. Keeping on topic is more general forum etiquette (hence why it’s in the rules), and it’s something people complain about when it happens too much, understandably.
Anyway, best leave it at that or I’m off to the derailment void 
4 Likes
I don’t think you do, bud. Im not going to downplay your issue but some of us here have been homeless, living on benches, in cars, had high flying careers falter, family breakdowns, divorces, deaths, overdoses… I had a heroin, cocaine and alcohol addcition that nearly killed me - there are former lawyers, parents, carers… Marriages, relationships, careers, lives have been turned upside and ruined because of their addictions so with respect, at 18 years old with very little experience of the world and something you claim to be an addiction which the rest of us just call “being a teenager” you have no idea what idea those of us who have been through that are talking about. Sure you “love” tough love?
7 Likes
I remember when I joined being really nervous about posting because I was worried that my problem with alcohol wouldn’t be considered serious enough… I think it was @Englishd who told me that it was a good thing that it didn’t get to that for me. I was really grateful to be reassured and welcomed into the recovery community.
13 Likes
Its more likely to be because nobody was pussy footing around topics and being over congratulatory over someone’s 9 hrs of sobriety and the people at the time didn’t just stroke egos and didn’t give a shit about offending one another. Sometimes a little pain is a good thing. You and I had countless conversations about sobriety, good ones bad ones, hard ones, sad ones… But there’s no success in just focusing on the good shit and trying to ignore the bad shit. Sometimes I wish someone had said to me “You relapsed? God you fucking idiot” instead of " #odaat"
6 Likes
It is. The problem is here it happens approximately never anymore.
4 Likes
Just here to say that there’s a whole crop of brand new folks here, maybe not new to trying to get clean/sober, but new to the forum and it seems a shame to dog people from the start. I think there’s a time and place for challenging people’s patterns of relapse and suggesting new approaches, and this idea of tough love.
12 Likes
Oh! And I like the blocking people/threads approach, too. Works for me, anyway.
6 Likes
For those that get annoyed and irritated with others can I suggest a 12 step program?
9 Likes
Lol thanks - yeah it was a rough one. I drank last week aswell because I was bored but once I gave myself some chores and something to do, I haven’t drunk since. Full disclosure so I’m not being a hypocrite.
Thankyou! It’s so nice to see someone else say that to me publically and on the forum than to me privately not on the forum…how bloody refreshing!
It is EVERYWHERE. It’s like watching the upper-class have a tea party in a landfill site.
Put it out there if you’re comfortable to. Some fuckers need to hear it.
5 Likes
I agree. It is up to them /me to set boundaries when I could not handle it. Here it is even more easy. I appreciate others open up. And also what I learned in AA. I don’t give specific advice. I talk about me and my experiences. I learn by thinking and reflecting and seeing how others do.
4 Likes
That’s the point. There’s no room to hear the tough love approach anymore, it’s all about the positivity and ego stroking. Soon as someone says something someone doesn’t like, that’s it… Flag, day bans and time on the naughty step. It’s the people being so constantly positive and oh so wise with their #odaat approach that is stopping the rough and tough conversations from happening.
You and I are never going to see eye to eye on anything - we’re just wired differently and that’s fine but the vibe of this place a year or 2 ago was so much more like conversations and meetings that we would have in the real world… Nowadays its just soppy sappy crap and it might help people in their first few days but it’s unsustainable.
3 Likes
I’m dying sorry!
6 Likes
I don’t see this. Not sure what you’re referring to. Or maybe I’ve blocked enough fluff that I miss it entirely. I think there’s a lot of straight up practical stuff being shared and people seem to be responding to it.
3 Likes
Sorry but we need your heavy shit!
8 Likes
Our lives are indeed very different, my life has not even nearly sucked as much as for example yours, no doubt about it. But I have not had a good life at all. I have a dad who doesn’t believe in his traumas. I have a dad who’s beat me until cps had to come. I had a dad who completely neglected me. He never gave me any love. The only emotion he showed towards me was anger. He’d yell at me constantly for not doing things exactly the way he wanted, or just hit and kick me. He’d abuse my pets in front of me, telling me it was natural for them and that I was supposed to do it too. He broke lots of stuff I bought with my own money. Stuff I saved months for, gone in a matter of seconds. He threatened many people with a knife, including my mom. He raised me to have nazi beliefs, which I still struggle with sometimes. I have seen way too much death in my life. My nephew killed himself and the next day my great-grandfather I was quite close too died. I heard of both of those deaths at the same time. I have had to call the cops on him twice. He manipulated me to abuse animals, something I truly hate myself for. I have not had a divorce on my own, but my parents have. My father had me work about 1000 unpaid hours in 6 months, which I hated. My brother would beat the crap out of me because he didn’t know any better. During my parents’ divorce, my dad scared my mom, my sister and me out of our house. I did not have my own house for 9 months, I was blessed I could sleep with new people every 4 days, often separated from my mom, but with a roof above my head. I have had my then stepdad almost die in my hands. I have seen a good friend get a stroke and having permanent damage. I have often, really often contemplated suicide and I would have if I hadn’t promised my sister I wouldn’t after my nephew’s suicide. And there’s lots more from that. And for the record, I think I have been near death quite often during my 60-hour binges.
I wish that were true.
That’s just fucked up. That you don’t understand my addiction doesn’t mean it isn’t one. In 5 years, I’ve spent fucking 3 years behind a screen and then I don’t mean for 3 years everyday, but all hours behind a screen added up. I’ve fucking wet myself because I was unable to stop gaming. I lied to everyone around me. I’d given up on myself. I really wanted to fucking die. Now I personally do see that as an addiction. And as for the overall-screen addiction, am I only allowed to fight it after hitting rock bottom? Am I not allowed to face it head on from the early stages? Am I only allowed to fight it after I’ve fucked up my academic career AGAIN?(I forgot to mention this earlier, I fucked up my academic career)
doubt it…
It is a very common look on it, especially outside of the addiction world. And I find that fucking terrifying. The worlds future depends on a growing number of technology addicts.
As in experience, hell no. As in giving someone tough love through words, love it.
I know(or at least really hope) that what you said was with respect, so was this, even if I did get a wee bit upset
8 Likes
See this is what I mean. Youre one of the main people that has made people abondon this place becuase you just cannot handle the fact that this place worked better here before you were here and the approach to things was very different.
I edited my previous post as you were posting that, feel free to read if you like.
Maybe you should concentrate on not being such a narcissist instead of getting offended at everything and everyone who disagrees with you
Remember when @Dejavu posted in the awards thread that you avg 48 posts a day? You’ve posted more frequently than he and I put together in 2 years… That is not a good thing.
2 Likes
Here’s a little joke of a story I’ve heard after an AL Anon meeting.
A woman was going to her first Al Anon meeting. She walks into the church basement after seeing other people walk in. There are people laughing loudly, having a good time, being boisterous and extroverted. She quickly finds out its the AA meeting that runs at the same time as the Al Anon meeting. She is directed ‘upstairs’ and walks her way up. She’s walking and walking but doesn’t hear anything. Finally she reaches a room in the upper floor with a light on. It’s a children’s classroom. There she finds various straight faced women all sitting around in tiny children’s chairs without much of a peep!
I imagine NA, AA, AL anon, OA, SA all require different approaches. It might take a little more leverage to get someone off hard drugs vs someone who’s addiction is crippling codependency. You’re not wrong. It’s just not one size fits all.
4 Likes
Really?!?
Who the fuck are you to place a judgement on who is allowed on here?!?
9 Likes