Get your posts in quick @siand is typing … 
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Tough love is fine but when people say they are giving tough love they need to be careful they are not projecting their own insecurities.
and, as with counselling, there are boundaries and safe practices. I’m not against it nor do I think reality should be sugar coated, I’m just saying take care, it can be taken as motivation or criticism. Many of us here have been living on the street, abused etc but that does not mean it is helpful or appropriate to give or receive “advice” that some people choose to label as tough love.
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I asked you a question?
I will state this I judge No one!
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I whole heartedly agree. I really fucking need tough love, otherwise I think:“people will always be there for me after a relapse, so I can do it over and over again. Why stop if there are people who will help me feel better?”. I know people intend well and I really appreciate people being nice to me, it’s all my fault that I abuse their kindnes. With tough love I don’t have that problem.
EDIT: I find it very important that you guys know that I am grateful for each and everyone of you. I am not against the cliches or the “over the top positivity”. I am only saying that I, not you guys, take advantage of your kindness sometimes. I am fully to blame for over the positivity not working for me. And I did not at all clarify this enough, your positivity has helped me tremendously aswell.
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That’s pretty unlikely. Those people have gooooone. And so was I til was mentioned in the you are missed post and I didn’t start this conversation!
Don’t get me started.
I think that’s the crux. Advice giving always makes me cringe. Maybe saying “if I were you…” is acceptable sometimes, but sharing what has worked for us, offering true peer support based in empathy is gonna go further most of the time IMO. And that’s where people sharing the really tough shit come in. Offering hope by sharing what we’re gone through and come out the other side stronger, still working our asses off.
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I’m getting out of this conversation now because your ring leader has joined in and turned started getting personal with me… Soon as I say something back, that’s it - I’m the bad guy lol So appropriate and the exact reason I posted what I did in the “You are missed thread”.
When it’s only about who had the worst of all lives I am out.
For me this has nothing to do with addiction. Everyone has it is own level of ‘what he/she/divers can bear’.
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honestly imo these debates are far more helpful than the constant coddling going on. more self reflection over outside praise is key. change happens from within and when we’re outside our comfort zones. using uncomfortable converstation to help see our selves in a different light can be really valuable. or it can help us gain inner confidence by practicing letting go. not attaching ourselves to what everyone says or allowing words to dictate our mindset.
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I think that’s similar to sharing the message not the mess. Which jives for me.
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side note, i have no auto correct or spell check on this new version, apologies for spelling and gramatical errors.
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Right my two cents…
You know I have a lot of respect for you Josh as you helped me a lot when I was first starting out and value you and your opinion. I was angry and resentful and hated everybody and used to have fights with my shadow quite often. Think you just need to do you and engage with those who you want too and mute the others…
Resentments kill people in the end as they always lead to drinking.
I used light hearted humour earlier talking about a 12 step program but seriously it helped me… 
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And you’re about as entitled to an answer as the next stranger in the street.
Anyway I did answer you, you just didn’t like the answer you got
I appreciate that. You probably also remember that I didn’t constantly wipe your arse for you with compliments and cliches.
Anyway… 
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I always liked the tough love.
It got me sober.
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Yep I think you need some tough love on your awful use of the English language…
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We are fighting over how to help fellow alcoholics and addicts? We are calling others names? We are judging people?
Hmmm. To the brand new person that gets on here, this isnt an impressive view of who we are. We dont have to like each other, we dont have to agree with each other…but darn it, can we act like adults?
Edit: the irony in some of these posts is extremly thick, and in the end sad.
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If we can’t have the conversation without getting personal (as requested earlier), let’s close this topic for now. May reopen later if another mod on a different time zone decides.
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