I have no clue what I’m doing in life. I wake up, and try to make it thru the day with the least amount of guff as possible, then go to bed. If it was a guff free day, I just try to repeat it.
Today was different. Today was full of guff. My oldest daughter had a mental health crisis and I didn’t know what to do. I knew I had to do something, so I called 911. The police came, they were told it was a domestic violence call, but I explained the situation and they determined it to be a welfare check. An officer went up and talked to her for a while, assessed her situation and gave her some pamphlets. They talked to me and went on their way.
Now I’m sitting here at home, trying not to break down. I don’t know what I can do to help her. Its breaking my heart.
Theres nothing in life that prepares you for this. I want her to understand that me calling the police was not out of anger, but because I’m scared and I don’t know what I should do.
Im sorry of this doesnt make a lot of sense, its been a long day following a long night.
I don’t have any advice but I do know parenting is the hardest job there is. I think you did what you thought was best in that situation. I probably would have done the same. Give her a huge hug and let her know you called out of love for her. We want the best for our kids and sometimes we just don’t know how to achieve that. Don’t beat yourself up. Hopefully, she’ll find the help she needs and you can have peace of mind. Sounds like you could use a hug too. Sending a big one your way.
Hey Dan - Seems like you are similar to a lot of the rest of us. Dealing with kids, dealing with crisis, dealing with strange and frightening situations. With no user guide. With no idea of what to do except to witness it happening.
You love your kids, that shows plainly. You can help her by staying sober first, last and always. Without that, you have no chance. Not that an answer is guaranteed with sobriety, but the possibility of an answer, that we can have.
Feel confused, feel sad or angry or afraid, that’s all fine. Feel it, it’s not a breakdown, it’s a real human response.
You’re helping her by staying sober. You’re helping her by keeping her as safe as you can. Know that you will be given the strength to absorb her pain and her confusion. You can help her by listening without offering answers.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Lie down in the dark and breathe. Know that you are going to be okay, no matter what.
I am soo sorry ur going thru this. As well as for ur daughter. Mental health stuff can be scary and worrisome and i think u did the right thing. When i was 15 years old, my mom called the police on me due to a mental health crisis. Looking back i needed alot of support and i needed intervention in a non judgemental and in a very emotionally neutral way (it was hard when my mom was so worked up and worried to even talk openly with her). I dont know obviously the details of ur daughters mental health or how ur guys relationship is, but if your daughter is willing to talk about what happened with the police and what led up to u making that call, that may give u some answers. Maybe going thru the pamphlets together or asking her what she needs right now would help. Its hard tho i do understand. Especially with that feeling of helplessness. Honestly back then for me i just wanted someone to listen and not try to fix things all the time (which my mom tried to do constantly… and understandbly so bcuz she was my mother). But i needed someone to listen. Im just relaying my experience as a youth to u in case it may help.
Also, in my area (and im sure in urs also), they do have mental health hospitals for youth as well as groups of supports that are trained in youth mental health which come to the home to assess the situation. In my area it was called the Crisis Stabilization Unit. They actually took me away to a mental health support home. Thru that i was able to get into seeing a youth psychiatrist for help along with medication to balance what was going on in my head at the time. Maybe it would be worth looking into these numbers and supports in case another crisis happens again. Just a thought for the future. Its better to be prepared Police can be helpful but they arent always trained in mental health stuff. The police that showed up at my place werent the most helpful lol
It’s okay to not have all life’s answers Dan. And it’s okay to not be able to fix it all.
Sometimes all we can do is all we háve to do - be there for her, let her know you care.
I’m so sorry to hear this. My suggestion would be to try to go to therapy with her. Explain to her that you would like to go to therapy for yourself to learn some new tools on how to deal with life’s craziness. You would like her to come along and listen. Tell the therapist all of your fears about your daughter and let your daughter hear you scared and let her hear you cry while speaking to a therapist. Sometimes it’s very hard for us to express to the ones we love how we really feel and that we are doing the best that we know how to do with the tools that we have. A therapist will guide you through these emotions in a way your daughter will likely be more willing to hear because it’s not “Mom or Dad just telling me what to do”. There is a possibility she will want to be silent but there is a good possibility she will be willing to speak and your therapist can give you and her some great tools to use in the future.
Big hugs. It is so hard when we can’t fix things for our kids with a cookie and a cuddle. I agree that telling your daughter that you love her and didn’t know what to do, so did the only thing you could think of, is best. I have even told my kids, hey, you didn’t come with a user manual, I sometimes don’t know what to do for the best. Mental health is not an easy fix. You have to just be present and support her walking her own path.
Dan, I’m grateful that so many folks are here to respond to your expression of pain. Being a part of a community like this is healing for me in ways I did not know I needed.
I’m glad you were able to connect in that way. It’s hard in the life because one of the things we need, the same thing that is hard because we’re separated by space and time and self-limits, is to connect. We all of us want to connect.
Love flows like water. And like water, it shapes its surroundings over time. Search for your flow, keep connecting with people who can help, and you’ll find what you need - one day at a time
Do any of us really know what we’re doing. Especially when it comes to parenting. We’re all just doing the best we can. It sounds like you did an amazing job helping your daughter.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. I was a tough daughter to raise. The only advice I can offer is to try your hardest to show love and to acknowledge that there is a problem. To her this moment probably feels like the end of the world. It’s hard to realize that life moves forward when you are young. I just shed a few tears for you and your family. Keep fighting that good fight with love.
Police can be helpful but they arent always trained in mental health stuff. The police that showed up at my place werent the most helpful lol
