So I’m 35 days sober, and have just been craving like mad.
I got drunk last night and need to re-set.
I had sort of been lying towards the end having the odd beer on its own here and there but i had not been drunk.
My relationship with my partner had really gotten awful. I kept acting out and blaming stuff on him.
I love and hate that I got this relapse because it has brought us back together again.
I am not hating him as much or questioning us.
I completely understand where you’re coming from. As soon as the cravings start, sit with yourself and ask if something is triggering those cravings? What’s going on for you at that time? Try attend meetings if they help you or just reach out to a friend, family, partner etc. I wish I had, I didn’t reach out when I was struggling and found myself back to square one having to restart over.
As for the relationship issues, alcohol destroys all that. Our addictions turn us into different people. My boyfriend said he hates me when I drink, that I’m not me.
It’s caused a massive problem between us where we’re just not us anymore. He doesn’t trust me and I take my own problems out on him. We’re at a crossroads right now but that’s me.
What is it about the relapse that has brought you back together?
It was the relapse that brought us back- it made me realise I wasn’t taking soberiety well.
I guess the triggers were always when I was bored or my depression set in.
I needed more help than just the app, I’m going to do the steps right and communicate when I’m feeling bad.
Like I don’t even know what a sponsor really is/does.
It’s a big square 1.
A sponsor is another alcoholic/addict with experience in sobriety and has worked the 12 steps. This person will walk you through the steps, be there to give you advice when you are struggling, and call you on your sh!& when you’re acting a fool 
Some people can stay “dry” and abstain from alcohol all on their own but they’re not really working on the root of the problem (alcohol was the solution at the time). Recovery takes “work”, putting in the effort to better ourselves and helping others. If you want quality sobriety, you can’t stay on the fringes of the circle…you got to live and breath this new lifestyle. Believe me, it will change everything. And your problems will seem like nothing compared to when you were in active addiction.
It sounds like there are definitely underlying issues that need to be addressed. I can relate to how you are feeling. I used to drink to feel comfortable in relationships. For me it was just a way to placate myself without having to truly solve relationship issues. I used to be very passive aggressive and had trouble communicating my feelings.
When I started dating my husband I told him right from the start that this was something I was working on. That I NEEEDED to tell him if something bothered me even if it was something totally ridiculous or seemingly insignificant. This has improved my life tremendously. But like anything - communicating your feelings and needs to others takes work.
Drinking only pushes things aside - it doesn’t fix things. I agree with @Melrm - working a program will give you the tools you need to really get to the root of the problem. There are lots of tools available - some that you can do at home. Here is a good list of resources. You can do this! We are always here to listen.
HI @Cactus sorry you are going through all this. But you have been active on the forum and so you “know the drill” and what most of us will tell you! Try to learn from it, expand your support and tools, and continue your sobriety. Those 35 days still totally count. Great advice from those who posted before me. Please stay strong.